Many Updates
Firstly… and I have been dreading making this announcement. The court ruled on Marissa and we will not get her. I’ve known for a couple weeks and I have seen the court documents. The reasoning was “DES didn’t give you permission to have the child, hence, you can’t.” Brilliant, eh? My lawyer was right when she said that DES/CPS has no accountability to ANYONE. Not even the courts can over rule (or maybe they choose not to over rule) what DES decides. Frightening. In other news, mom has had yet another baby (Eddie) and that child has been placed with Marissa. So it is good that she will have one sibling with her yet it is bad because that is one more sibling my children will never see.
I have a care package put together for Marissa’s birthday that was back in May. I have been hesitating to send it because I wanted final word on whether she was coming here and I also hate the finality of it. We fought for 2.5 years for her. We anticipated having her in our home as our daughter and sister for 2.5 years, even before she was born. Yet, the adoptive family is going to rip that out from under us because “Well, we fell in love with her.” And it seems that with babies, as in most of life, possession is 99% of the law.
These are the things that are included in the birthday package. I little outfit that matches the one Lina is wearing here and the little bear that Lina is holding. I will also send pictures of the kids (including these) and a nice letter explaining that we would like to have contact with her. I will send it registered receipt and that way her adoptive mother can decide if she wants to keep that information from Marissa or not but we will have proof that her siblings know of her and tried to have contact over the years. I am awful about sending cards and gifts for special occasions but I will make sure to never forget Marissa and Eddie. I don’t want them to ever think we were the ones that chose this for them.
I have been in contact with the biological mother of my four plus Marissa and Eddie. I am begging her to stop having children. She really has no clue about what these kids go through with their drug exposure and separation issues. How could she? She has her own issues.
Shouldn’t these sisters be allowed to know eachother?
Fun stuff we have been doing.
Now some happy news. I went to my first midwife appointment and heard a tiny little heartbeat. I tell you, there is something to be said about continuity of care. I had a BLAST visiting with Carol and I didn’t have to listen to “Is this a wanted baby?” like I heard at every appointment for Junie. Carol knows my history and is supportive of my choices…although she did try to convince me to go under the needle (you know, a blood draw) but she didn’t boot me out when I refused. J It was so comforting and reassuring and Carol and I were plotting how we could arrange that she deliver this baby. I think she should come to MO. I mean, I think she should move but I’d settle for a visit. And she thinks I should return to Arizona for the birth. Hmmmm… we’ll see. After all, the midwife in MO is 1.5 hours away…what’s another 18-20 hours of driving to see the midwife I know and trust?
I’ve been busy knitting and crocheting washcloths. We also began school once again. We go in spurts. The last spurt was 30 days long but then we have taken a couple weeks off. Now we are back in the swing and hopefully we’ll be able to keep up through Jillie’s chemo because it is scheduled for a Thursday.
The green washcloth has a house design on it. I got the pattern here. The pink washcloth was given to me by Lisa at Winsome What-nots. I liked it so much that we have used it and used it and it was time for more. I do have another small blue washcloth that I just found wadded up on a shelf in the game closet. What are these children thinking? So I have 10 knit/crochet cloths for the kitchen. They are so cheery. :)
Comments
Jul. 10, 2007 – I’m so sorry, Katie
Posted by SusannahCox
This is really unfair to the kids. :( I do hope that the other adoptive family will be wise enough to allow contact.
"Continuity of care" hasn’t happened for me with the last three babes. Hence my feeling of lostness in the system. Oh well! I used to have an O.B. who had a large family himself and tried to talk younger women out of tying their tubes. I never felt weird going to him with yet another pregnancy.
I will say, though, that the u/s tech today did not even blink when I said this was pg no. 7. Good for her!
Jul. 10, 2007 – Untitled Comment
Posted by quietcajun
I love the washcloths. I think I will try that at some point. What kind of yarn works best?
Jul. 11, 2007 – Untitled Comment
Posted by 6littlelambs
I’m so very very sorry about Marissa and Eddie. My mama heart goes out to you and those dear children. God knows. God has a plan. It’s just hard to accept!! Someday in Heaven you will see that plan and know the answers. Until then you have {{{hugs}}} from me :-)
Jul. 11, 2007 – Knitting…
Posted by wilsonclan
is next on my to-learn list. I love that house washcloth there, Katie. Great article on iliterasy. ;) And, good idea on the blog and tying it in with school… I’ll have to keep that in mind.
Jul. 12, 2007 – I’m inspired….
Posted by Anonymous
This weekend my aunt is planning to teach me how to knit and read knitting patterns. Washcloths are first on my list. Your’s are great and just the inspiration I needed to encourage me to go for it. Thanks!
Take Care
~Gretchen
Jul. 12, 2007 – Untitled Comment
Posted by Titus2woman
This post brought me from literally dropping tears on your behalf for Marissa to rejoicing and grinning over your coming wee blessing. (((((HUGS))))) to y’all! ~sandi
Jul. 12, 2007 – Hey,
Posted by Anonymous
Lina and Marrissa look cute mom
John
Jul. 12, 2007 – Untitled Comment
Posted by MamaBear
Don’t you go trying to coax Carol out of state! I’m due 3 wks after you and I’m not ready for an unassisted birth. ;)
Love all the pics of your darling children!
Jul. 13, 2007 – Lena & Marissa & Eddie
Posted by Anonymous
Wow. I am so impressed at your heart to fight on behalf of those kids and to welcome them into your household. You guys are an inspiration with your deep care and concern for every detail…right down to washcloths.
I just want to weigh in briefly on your comment about "begging" the biological mom not to have any more children. I am sure your heart is in the right place, filled with empathy for the rigorous emotional path that the kids are often forced to walk, but know that God, himself, created each of those babies…if He wanted her to stop having them it would be done. I realize that we all have free will and should act responsibly, but when we don’t, God also has a plan for each of those kids. He has placed them where HE sees fit, not the Department of Family Services or whatever. You know, there are a lot of people who would think it appropriate to "beg" you not to have anymore children too…because you "shelter" your kids from things like TV, you don’t immunize, you homeschool…etc. People who would think the planet is overpopulated enough…etc…and I would answer each of them in the same way. They do not get to judge you…or your decisions to have more children…they are God’s gift. (I understand wanting many children…I have seven…and I get the comments and even the quiet pleas from others that I would just STOP already.)
Yes, family separation issues are difficult…I can’t imagine the neglect I would feel if I knew that I was willingly given up…but knowing that I was chosen by a great family (i.e. The Bettendorfs?) would make my life a miracle.
God isn’t finished with Marissa’s mom yet…just because she may not be stable, healthy, or even capable of caring for the children doesn’t mean that she should stop having them…that is a world view that doubts the very perfectness of a loving God. God knits each child in it’s mother’s womb regardless of the condition of the mother…luckily, he doesn’t only give babies to stable, well-off, perfect, or only Christian moms. He ordains each life! :)
Each child, with the help of families like yourself, will claim their own AWESOME testimony someday for the God that created them and loved them…and gave them life…whether their mom deserved it or not.
I am proud of adoptive families that take on the burden and blessing of fostering and then welcome those children into a safe place of their own…I have not yet been called to do that, but you never know what God has in store! ;)
In conclusion…(finally)…let me say congratulations to you on the newest addition….may he/she be healthy and strong and the delivery be easy and blessed and a reminder of the Life-giver Himself…and how to whom much is given…much is expected! You guys keep on doing a great job!
Jul. 14, 2007 – Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
I’m so sorry Katie about the children. ((((HUGS))))
But, I’m praising the Lord with you at the sound of a new blessing’s heartbeat!! PS did you get my reply email?? I’d love to know if you are close to us! Your family sounds so awesome! I could learn a lot from you I’m sure! LOL
Blessings, Dawn
http://huffmasterfamily.com
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