Public School vs. Homeschooling
April 23, 2008
Yes, we must discuss this again. When we were at the park on Monday we were having a great time until a minivan arrived and unloaded 5 kids all of whom had Sonic slushes in hand. These kids immediately jumped on the merry go round with drinks in hand. They were told to get off but quickly jumped back on. This made me nervous but what really unnerved me was what happened next. While Mom was still unbuckling some little ones the olders came over to where Jeff and I were sitting and positioned themselves between, next to and up in our stuff. There were 3 or 4 picnic tables all in a line and we were occupying one and half of those tables. I had Jodi in our chair and the two strollers were next to me, in front of the table, while our water bottles littered the table top and Jeff secured the other end of our "space".
These older kids, probably 8 and 6, came and sat amongst Jeff and I. One literally shimmied between the strollers to wedge herself between me and Jeff and saw nothing wrong with the proximity of my stroller, with camera in the seat, to her knees. I didn’t get it. We did leave right then and had a conversation about socially backward public school kids.
But now to the controversial part. Just recently it has come to my attention that a 12yo homeschool boy has been sending private messages to my kids and this is a child whose blog my children read…let’s change that to past tense, read. The PMs read something like this: "zup" and "word" so I took a look at the blog of this kid. His spelling and grammar are atrocious!!! So I told the kids there was nothing profitable in reading that blog. It is not edifying, educational or in any other way a positive experience. So I had Jenna send this PM:
My mom says I can’t read your blog because of your bad spelling and grammar. Please do not send me anymore PMs and if you leave a comment on my blog it needs to be spelled right and have the proper punctuation or it will be deleted.
Jenna
Good girl. His reply:
Say what? bad spelling the bad ist thing i put up was i hate piano and a like the flute. oh is that Why you don’t talk to me any more sorry i ant that good at spelling sorry
Does anyone else think this is awful? He’s TWELVE!!! This boy continued to PM my kids so Jeff stepped in and posted on his "Chat Box".
jeff: Please do not PM my kids or leave comments on their blogs until you learn how to spell. Thank you.
This 12 year old boy responded.
um i do spell right jiffy oh sorry i mean jeff
I am flabbergasted. This is not about spelling or grammar or punctuation anymore. This is about disrespect pure and simple. Does anyone else wonder how a child with an attitude like this will ever find a job? Before you go thinking that things will change in this child’s future you need to know what his father said to Jeff.
Sir,
I am requesting that you cease usurping my authority as [child’s name]’s father. It is not your place to address my son’s spelling skills nor his manners. It is arrogant and prideful of you as an adult to judge my twelve year old son. Any child’s spelling can be cleaned up using spell check, but this reduces
creativity. I recommend the old fashioned method of referencing a dictionary. I find it disturbing that you are failing to be an encourager as directed by the NT.
How was Jeff usurping anything by asking the child not to contact our children? If my child responded to an adult the way this child did the only thing out of my mouth would be an apology not an admonition. Yikes!!
Please answer this poll:
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April 23rd, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I didn’t vote because my kiddos are not allowed to do online stuff yet. So. I really don’t know how I would actually feel in the circumstance. Besides, you know my spelling skills! lol ;-) I think for me I would be more frustrated with the modern lingo that my kids were exposed to than the actual spelling.
As for the kids being far too comfortable with strangers in the park that is freaky! In that circumstance I always tell them they need to go be with their parent/s. Thank you for visiting, but….. :O) It often happens in the campgrounds we stay in where kids just some how join us on our site w/out their parents. I don’t mind if an entire family, with parents in tow, want to get to know us, but to just blatantly not know where your kids are at or who they are hanging out with is not good!
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:26 pm
The big problem with this scenario is the PMs… I don’t like my children to get private messages at all. If it can be said to my child, it can be said in the comment section!
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:28 pm
P.S. That father said you were usurping HIS authority with HIS son… what about his son usurping YOUR authority with YOUR children? And refering to Jeff as Jiffy. Oh my goodness! Even just Jeff is too casual, in my opinion!
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Its hard for me to decide how I would vote on that since I have mixed feelings, atleast on the spelling issue. Straight out on the disrespect issue, the young man in question should have respected your wishes for your children and not have sent the disrespectful jiffy message.
For spelling, my older two are night and day difference in spelling. My oldest is a natural speller, no problems there. My son though is a different story. We can do spelling, he can get all the words right with the concentrated effort, but when he goes into the creative mode of writing, you would have no clue. It is just how he is wired. So if he was doing a blog at this point, I don’t know if I would make an issue on his spelling for him. As important as spelling is for the future, he tries so hard at his spelling in other parts of his schooling, that when he has creative time, I just let him be creative. I would call it more choosing my battles. Spelling is worked on seperately, as is writing to get thoughts out on paper (or computer); with hopes that some day, the two will merge better.
That said, I wouldn’t have an issue with my oldest reading a blog with grammar and spelling issues, but my son, I would be more careful.
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:00 pm
My kids aren’t allowed to read blogs.
Poor spelling and grammar would be the least of my worries with this kid. And he won’t have any trouble getting a job. When’s the last time you went to a restaurant of any kind? Were you impressed by anybody’s English skills??
The dad was saying that you were usurping his authority by criticizing the kids’ grammar, not by telling the boy to leave you alone.
I would have had my kid say: My mom says I can’t read your blog anymore. Please stop sending me pm’s. Thanks. Period. I see no need to criticize the boy’s grammar. That’s sure to tick him off, thus make him keep pm’ing, which is opposite your goal. ;)
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:04 pm
I’m curious as to how you knew the children at the park were PS kids? With the child on the blog, I could understand if the child had mentioned PS before, but with the kids at the park, I was a little puzzled.
I have one child who is a very good student, but still struggles to spell. My (almost) 11 year old has several different learning disabilities and has problems spelling.
The disrespect is another issue entirely, but you asked specifically about the punctuation and grammar so my answer was that I really don’t care. If the child was using profane language (spelled correctly or not) then I would care.
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:07 pm
It would depend on the ideas expressed, not on the spelling and grammar used to express them. I think being respectful and compassionate does not mean judging others by their grammar. I realize your views on most things differ from mine, so I don’t expect you to agree with me on this point, but I personally would hate to see Sojourner Truth’s “Ain’t I a Woman” speech dismissed as “nothing profitable” simply because it doesn’t adhere to the norms of standard English.
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:15 pm
1. My kids don’t read blogs, so I did not vote.
2. I probably would not have said anything about the spelling (I have a 10 yr old daughter with a language arts learning disability, so I am a little sensitive about spelling, writing or reading.) I may have pointed it out to my own children, but not to the blog writer.
3. My daughter would have never written a blog, as she hates to write due to the above mentioned learning issues.
4. As for the park kids, that is weird, we would have probably left also. My best friend on the other hand, would have went and told her to come get her kid out of our stuff/space. I am not much for conflict, so I would have let her handle it.
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:19 pm
My kids can’t read yet much less spell correctly. Their use of grammar seems to exceed this particular child’s, at least from what we see in his typing. He is probably just trying to sound “cool”. Some kids have a skewed sense of what cool is, ya know?
I have to agree with Ginger, though. I wouldn’t have criticized the boy for his spelling and grammar. It isn’t your place to make sure someone else’s kid has a grasp of these things. Your authority is over your kids, not this child. Yes, he should have respected you as the parents but I’m sure he was just angry at you for finding fault with his blog; his personal space to express himself as he wishes.
For us it would be a case by case basis. I probably wouldn’t see much good in them reading something like this and would probably tell them to stop as well.
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Not sure about the blog reading thing as mine aren’t really allowed on the computer yet. I do think that I would be more upset if he was talking in a “text” lingo.
But I also wonder on how you knew that those other children were PS?
I mean I let mine have Sonic slushes every so often. They are just strawberries and ice.
And mine are totally Home educated, have been since the beginning
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I agree with Kim. How did you know they were PS kids? Even if they were, what does that have to do with their manners? It’s really the parent’s role to teach these things…not the school’s. When I see children like this, I assume that the parents probably aren’t parenting…or at least not well.
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I wouldn’t care about the spelling or grammar honestly. I’ve seen worse (and done worse myself) on blogs and message boards. The kids at the park would have annoyed me and caused me to leave. Curious how you knew they were ps kids.
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:51 pm
I was wondering, like Kim, how you knew these were public school kids. I’m sure I’ll get flamed on this, but not all public schooled children are socially backwards. Quite the contrary.
P.S. The margins on this particular entry are cutting off to the left.
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Since I appreciate your honesty, I will give you the same.
1) I think you are making a mistake having a conversation about “backward public school kids.” If someone saw one of your children misbehaving, would you want them to turn it into a discussion of “backward homeschooled kids?” Besides, as many have also asked, how did you even know they were public schooled? Why not discuss why the behavior was rude and leave school out of it?
2) If your children grow up thinking all public schooled people are in some way beneath them, how does that benefit your children?
3) I do think it was rude to have Jenna tell the boy she couldn’t read his blog because of spelling. If you don’t think reading the blog benefits her, fine. Tell her not to read it anymore. You are not HIS parent or teacher. You have no authority over this boy and it truly ISN’T your place to embarrass him over his spelling (especially publically through the chat box) unless he asks your opinion.
4) Telling someone you cannot talk to him because of his spelling does not seem like showing the love of Christ (my opinion, of course.
5) I have seen ATROCIOUS “research papers” by some homeschoolers, with spelling almost as bad as that boy’s. In fact, it has caused me to reconsider my opinion on regulations for homeschoolers.
6) To be a nit picky former English teacher, there are technically two punctuation/grammar errors in the message Jenna sent :)
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:20 pm
My kids are public schooled at this time. Yes, I know…..But it is what I can do at this time. If my children acted that way, I would be discusted. My children do know how to treat adults and to respect other peoples space though. I understand what you mean, but just wanted to let you know that not all PS kids act that way. :)
The spelling and grammer thing I would not be to worried about. I would use it as a learning experience for my kids. …can you tell me what is wrong with this sentance….kind of thing. I notice when I am writing on the computer that I sometimes make mistakes and don’t notice them till later. The “cool” language would bother me though! I would just try to block him from sending pm’s.
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Hmmm…..I am horrible at spelling and grammar. Maybe I should not comment on your blog anymore.
Honestly, I think you are super overreacting.
It is not the “child’s” fault he has issues with spelling. Take it up with the parents if you feel lead, but to embarrasse a child regarding spelling is totally out of line. As is having Jeff commenting on this blog.
Just my two cents. Love you Katie but totally disagree with you on this one.
God bless…Angela
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:22 pm
PS My children do not read blogs either. I did vote though to display my opinion on the spelling issue.
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:17 pm
I understand your thoughts on the topics and I agree the attitude is an issue of concern. Regarding the grammar/spelling issue I have a different opinion. We have a son with dyslexia. He is very intelligent, creative, well spoken and educated. However, his spelling and handwriting are unfortunately atrocious. He is making great strides through the Susan Barton program and am thankful for the great progress he has made. It does make me sad to think that people would judge this amazing creation of God by his spelling. We all have different strengths and weaknesses…I think God uses our strengths/weaknesses as a great means of growth in people, both relationally and spiritually.
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:20 pm
If I had to protect my child from bad spelling and horrid grammar……..I’d have to protect him from myself! LOL Thankfully he is an excellent speller! ( With ZERO help from me obviously;)
Besides…there just isn’t enough compassion for the bad spellers of the world !
Honestly, I think it was rather rude to point out his deficits, maybe he’s dyslexic? If ya didn’t want your kids to receive private messages from him, couldn’t you just block the feature?
I do think it was rude for him to address Jeff as “Jiffy”….snotty little bugger isn’t he?
As far as the kids at the park…that was pretty strange! I have an outgoing child who probably would have walked right up to your similarly aged children and struck up a conversation but invading your personal space…not until he knew ya better! lol
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:00 pm
I only have one child who reads blogs yet, but I think if he read a blog with poor grammar and spelling, he just wouldn’t go back on his own free will. Too painful to read.
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Katie,
I agree with you about lots of things, but I can’t side with you on this…
I haven’t read all of the responses and I may be in the minority here, but honestly, it hurt me to read the posts that were sent to the boy by you and your children originally.
If someone told me not to talk to them anymore until I could express myself in a manner more pleasing to them, it would immediately put me on the defensive and you can bet that I will not be pleasant nor respectful in those circumstances.
I agree 100% that it was disrespectful of him to refer to Jeff as “Jiffy”, but I also think that the criticism he received initially from your family was disrespectful and personally hurtful. What if he has a learning disability? What if it’s no fault of his own that he is a poor speller?
Maybe he really is just a slacker? I don’t feel it was necessary to belittle him. Just tell your kids not to go back and that’s that. No need to make a bigger deal than that, in my opinion.
~Lori
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:44 pm
I have to agree that I think you were just being mean and hurtful to that boy. Just tell your kids not to read the blog and no answer his messages if you are that concerned. Honestly, I hardly think then reading bad spelling is the end of the world. If you are doing your job as a parent and homeschooler, you shouldn’t have to worry. Your kids lives aren’t going to end just because they read misspellings. That is quite dramatic.
I also have to side with that dad. It really isn’t your business to tell this kid and his parents how they should be schooling their own child. If he has a learning problem, you hurt him even more and it was unnecessary. Teaching your kids to shun others because they aren’t perfect reminds me of the Nazi’s… didn’t they turn their backs on those that weren’t just like them? Do you want your children to become judgemental and hateful of others? As a special needs public school teacher, it really upsets me to see people be intolerant of others. Do you want people to shun your adopted kids because they are different and have certain disabilities? If this kid has a spelling disability or dyslexia and you won’t let your kids even read his blog, it would be like someone telling your kids they didn’t want them contacting THEIR children because they have FAS. How would you react if you got a message from another parent or child telling them not to contact their child because of their FAS, or even their cancer? It is exactly the same thing. A child with learning disabilities can no more help it than a child with an illness. Or FAS. Or whatever. Maybe this kid doesn’t have a disability, but maybe he does. YOu don’t know that. Yet you were so willing to hurt this child for something as silly as spelling. AND again, as a public school teacher, I know spelling is very important but the way you handled it was completely wrong and out of line.
Also, as far as the slushes, that is the strangest thing I ever heard… is there a law that says only public school kids can drink Sonic slushes? Could they maybe be HOMESCHOOL kids who were never taught properly? My children go to public school and I guarantee they would never act like that because they have been TAUGHT how to act. Even you have to see how ridiculous that statement was… it isn’t how they are schooled, it is how they were taught to behave. At least be reasonable and make some semblance of sense when you bash public school. You lose credibility when you say something so ridiculous that doesn’t even make any sense.
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:48 pm
WOW!
I am considering homeschooling my soon to be 4 year old son so I just stumbled across your blog from someone else’s. I must say I am utterly shocked at how humiliating this might have been for the kid. Shunning a 12 year old because they do not spell correctly - even if it’s on purpose?? Come on! I remember being 12. While I was a fantastic speller, I was also very self conscious and very insecure in my abilities, and always seeking approval. No wonder the kid came back at you with a lack of respect; your family showed him the same thing. Honestly, there are more important things in this life to worry about than the way some other child spells. Take care of your own, but don’t belittle someone else’s child for the way they do something.
This simply could’ve been handled by pointing out to your kids how silly it looks when people use internet slang and misspelled words. Instead you taught them how to look down at people and make them feel shame in what they are doing wrong. Yes, a sense of shame is important in order for people to better themselves, but more importantly, compassion and encouragement need to be shown to the wrongdoer.
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:55 pm
P.S. - one more thing - I truly mean no disrespect, but this entire post put a very bad taste of homeschooling parents in my mouth. The way you write makes me feel as though all those who decide to send their children to public school are not as good as you, or don’t care about their children as much as you do. I loved how you just assumed the children that came up to you were from public school.
I hope I can teach my children to respect themselves enough to care about how they represent themselves - with the social graces, through their speech, grammar, etc… but I certainly do not want my children to feel they are better than those who aren’t as proficient in those areas.
If you can’t realize that I am one of many in a much larger group called the homeschooling community and that my opinion may nnot be held by all homeschoolers then maybe you do belong in the public school system where everyone is expected to look and act the same. I like how you assumed that I was not absolutely sure about whether the kids at the park were ps. You are wrong to believe that I assume anything. This is not specifically about ability but rather about desire to improve. -Katie
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:10 pm
I would agree with the people who said you were probably a little over the top on this one. I think I would have said something at the park. I think I would have kindly said “I’m sorry but we are saving this space for our family. Would you please move?” If they didn’t, then I might have said something to the parents.
Regarding the spelling issue: I am an editor. I despise spelling and grammar errors. They give me hives. However, I can assure you that poor spelling and grammar are not limited to PS educated children. I have read more blogs than I care to say of HSing families with absolutely atrocious spelling and grammar. Makes me wonder what the kids are learning??
I so enjoy your blog and you have a beautiful family. I am sometimes bothered by the sweeping generalizations that you seem to make about anyone who does not HS or chooses to immunize, etc. I wonder how your children will respond as adults when they are faced with someone who believes/feels differently than them about something? I don’t know that they are learning how to respond the way Jesus would. I don’t think he would be so critical of those who aren’t sinning–but have merely chosen differently for their families than you have chosen for yours. After all, no matter how we may feel, poor spelling isn’t a sin! :-)
No, but being a sluggard is. -Katie
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:12 pm
I just reread your post and realized the the PMer was indeed a HS boy. “I hav probly red his moms blogg.” :-) yikes!!
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:54 pm
This is a definition of an elitist:
“A person who holds him or herself to higher standards than those of lesser beings because he or she is naturally more honorable, intelligent, funny, good-looking, and awesome than the rest. Elitists are usually well-groomed and well-dressed, although this is a not one of their defining qualities. Also, elitists have the right to look down upon others but often don’t for the sake of saving the time and effort needed to criticize those of lesser abilities.
Elitists exercise often and eat healthily to keep their bodies fit and desirable-looking. In addition, elitists are too smart to do drugs,
Elitists have stimulating conversations that keep their minds fresh and their lives active.
Elitists are proud of being elitists but are secretive at the same time; for instance, the elitist code used by elitists to facilitate their advanced conversations is a well known phenomenon for those who associate with elitists; however, only elitists will ever know this code.”
If you don’t understand this definition, or voted it down, then you aren’t an elitist. Nothing to worry about, but it just proves that you are a lesser being…that’s all.
I didn’t write this, merely copied and pasted. But I think its funny anyway.
I agree, very funny. :) -Katie
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:08 pm
I wonder if all the comments on this blog must be spelled correctly with proper grammar? Wouldn’t that be applying the same rule to yourself/your blog that you are expecting your children to follow? Will you be sending notes to any commenter who spells incorrectly? If so, I see some comments above that should be deleted.
I’ll get right on that. ;) -Katie
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:17 pm
I normally see eye to eye with you on most things. :) The actions of ps kids vs hs kids I will agree on. Flame me if you will, but even when my kiddos were in ps I noticed that their behaviors and personalities were changing in front of my very eyes. Most of their peers had behaviors/habits that would send me to the grave if my children had them.
amen! I had Jenna in daycare for 3 months at age 4. The changes were obvious. The changes in my hs children when left unsupervised with peers for several hours were just as obvious.
On another note, I think that criticizing the child’s blog for spelling was a misstep, but I will not flame you for it because who doesn’t make mistakes? ;) Yes, that probably ticked him off, BUT in no way gave him a place to disrespect Jeff. My children have been taught that you NEVER disrespect elders. That is just ridiculous.
As for this post putting a bad taste in Cat’s mouth for homeschoolers, I have to say that is an unneccesary critique. Every human has an opinion. After all, it is our nature. You know what they say: “Opinions are like ******, everybody has one.” LOL! :) I feel that Cat’s post was contrary to what she is saying, not every hser shares your views. Get over it.
Maybe that was harsh, but it is my opinion. :) LOL
I voted that I probably wouldn’t let my child continue reading the blog. That is why we homeschool. To limit exposure to people with a disrespectful attitude with what seems to be a lack in education as well. Now, if the child had a true learning disorder, then so be it. BUT, I would have my child type the post up and ask if I can help them proofread the post before publishing it. I wouldn’t want my child to look like an unschooled fool. I hope that makes sense.
I have a daughter that has Autism and Dyslexia. I would treat her the same. :) Just because you have a different ‘ability’ (aka Autism, Dyslexia, Add, etc) doesn’t mean you need special acceptance or different rules. :) We make our dd rise to the challenge and she has benefited from this, IMO. If we changed things to make them ‘manageable’ for her, where would that get us? I don’t see it helping one bit.
Exactly. My John has an exceedingly difficult time with spelling and grammar. We work hard on each and every post he makes so he doesn’t look like a bafoon. We believe that there are other areas to express “creativity” instead of expression via written word. -Katie
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:20 pm
BTW, Please excuse my awful grammar. :) LOL I can’t edit. LOL!
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Well, I think I would turn it into a spelling and grammer lesson. I would allow the child to read it if they enjoyed it and it was clean with the condition that they had to proofread and correct it. I think that father needs to teach his son some manners quick and about respecting authority as well.
Love your blog.
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:35 pm
I can’t remember my web address. I will have to share another time.
I would use the experience as a spelling and grammar lesson. I would have her correct the spelling and grammatical erros. If she chooses to read his blog. If that is the only issue with his blog I see no need to discontinue her reading it.
Love your blog and reading about all your children.
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:56 pm
My DD would have totally been in your lap at the park. She does not meet a stranger and so far, we are not getting anywhere with teaching her appropriate boundaries with strangers. Hasn’t spent a day in public school.
I would have probably just blocked the other boy’s blog - but I’m to the point in my life that I try to avoid confrontation if I can. ;)
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:59 pm
I don’t allow blogs yet ;)
However spelling and grammer wouldn’t be a BIG deal–
Disrespect and “slang”– that would be a NO GO!! They would be blocked and DONE!
my .02
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:50 pm
While I love reading your blog, and think your children are simply delightful (and beautiful!), this just makes me sad. Jesus says that the second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself. Why not be kind to this child who clearly was just reaching out to comment, and gently correct him? Why be rude to him? And as a graduate of the public schools, I take offense that you assumed these children were PS. While I don’t claim to be perfect, I was pretty shy and mild-mannered as a child, and PS did not make me into a slurpee-hoarding, rude child. Katie, I try to live humbly and try to consider how Jesus would react in all situations that I am put into. I don’t write this to judge you or be rude…but, perhaps the PS/HS argument is not just black and white, and perhaps, in this world, where there is so much sarcasm already, a little kindness and gentleness would go a long way.
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:27 pm
The comments posted by the HS blogger sound more like the text messaging that the kids are using. Everything is abbreviations and left out articles. I agree he was very disrespectful to Jeff, and I was disappointed that the father started out by trying to beat Jeff over the head with the NT! Are you sure this blog is actually written by a homeschool kid and not an imposter?
My kids are only allowed to read blogs that are part of their circle of friends and are invitation only. Although most of my kids friends are homeschoolers, they do have some public school friends. I tell them that these kids are at a disadvantage because of what they are exposed to all day, but God loves them just the same, and that they should be grateful God has made it possible for us to homeschool.
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:32 pm
I don’t know if I would have confronted the boy or just controlled it on my end, but the spelling and grammar itself would not have been why I would not allow them to read. If his posts were like his comments, then I would be concerned that his parents did not ever look at the content of his blog and therefore I would not want my child reading a blog that did not have parental oversight. Even if the child has learning disabilities, why wouldn’t a parent want them to improve? Your June blogs and she is only 7 right? So her blog looks like a 7 year old wrote it, but it has the beginnings of sentences capitalized and the ends punctuated. I don’t think that is too much to ask.
And um, people need to go back and read the post. It clearly says the blogging boy was homeschooled. I’m not sure where some of the commenters got that he was ps? As far as the slushies being Katie’s way of knowing they were ps, I’m not sure I understand that either. What in her post led you to believe that she believes that all shushie toting kids go to ps? She just mentioned they had them which was relevant because she mentioned they took them on the merry go round. If they hadn’t done that, perhaps she would not have mentioned the slushies all together and saved you all some typing. ;)
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:00 pm
I used to read your blog more frequently but stopped because I had a problem with the “tone” of some of your entries. I decided that it was silly to keep reading a blog that I was not enjoying and I quit. I visited today because it had been a long time and I wondered about how Jillian was doing. Unfortunately, I took the time to read through this post first.
The first issue-with the assumptive ps slushy kids-I can honestly say that my own children (homeschooled) probably would have done something similar because they assume that everyone is a friend waiting to be met. I would have apologized for their behavior and asked them to come to an empty table but you did mention that the mom was unbuckling younger children and I assume she was not standing there with the older children. Whether they were ps or homeschooled is not immediately clear to me. I’ve been in the presence of perfectly mannered ps kids and in the presence of completely rude homeschooled kids. At any rate, you don’t have me convinced that they were rude simply because you assume they were ps kids.
The second issue is one that I have stronger feelings over since I have a 17 year old son who still struggles with his spelling. He has learned to use spellcheck but that will not catch words that are spelled correctly but used in the wrong context.
My 44 year old husband also struggles with his spelling and will often call me for confirmation on words when he is required to write reports for his work. I have spent hundreds of dollars on various programs trying to help them *(yes, I have worked with my husband too) with their spelling. Conversely, I did not do anything special to help my older daughter learn to spell but she is an excellent speller. So, just because the 12 year old boy couldn’t spell, I wouldn’t condemn him. However, it is clear that he is disrespectful since he was politely asked to stop writing and yet continued to do so. I especially would have taken issue with the use of slang and the failure to address an adult properly.
Ultimately, I do not fault you for not allowing your children to continue to read his blog but I do think that your tone still comes across as rather condescending and I’m sorry to say I won’t be visiting again any time soon.
I do hope that Jillian is doing well.
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:23 pm
My 9 yo son is very dyslexic and struggles tremendously with spelling. We are really working on it. In the meantime, he does the best he can and we spellproof alot of his work together. He would be crushed to receive a note like that from a friend. Wow, and you had no idea the situation? Sometimes it’s not that easy to just ‘go learn how to spell’. Honestly, if my child received a PM like that from your Jenna…..I’d have blocked your kids from his blog, and instructed him not have any more to do with her. I think that seemed really mean. If you took issue with the blog b/c of lots of slang or disrespect or lack of content…..fine, block him or just instruct them to ignore til he goes away, don’t let them read his blog…..but, the PM’s attacking his spelling were terrible. And from Jeff too? Wow. I know you guys pride yourselves on being painfully blunt, but to a 12 yr old?? He was probably really hurt initially, and went overboard then trying to make it funny.
That said……now you do have a disrespect issue that is an issue. However, if it were me…I would apologize for attacking the spelling in the manner you did, and encouraging Jenna to do the same. I think it was wrong and regardless of what they did after….you should apologize for that. And then just let it go.
I find myself wondering if ALL of your kids will be as articulate as Jenna is when they are 12. I suppose if they aren’t, you won’t let them blog….responsible mother that you are. ;) BTW, my kids don’t blog yet and I’m definitely not in a hurry to let them!
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:11 pm
DITTO Tarah!!!
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:18 pm
I would probably use it as an example of why my children need to learn correct grammar and proper spelling by pointing out how foolish and uneducated that type of writing looks.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Wow! The responses to this blog have blown my mind. I personally did not think the comments made to the 12-year old boy were embarrassing or rude or over the top or an “attack”. Hey, the truth hurts but sometimes it needs to be told! Why does even the slightest criticism have to be jumped on as an “attack”?? That’s a strong word people! I feel sorry for anyone that has to go through most of their life being babied and treated like a delicate piece of china only to one day find themselves in the real world as an adult faced with real criticisms from an employer (for example).
Blocking the offending blogger is pretty much just as rude as telling him why you don’t want to talk to him anymore. At least you were honest in as nice a way as possible. I mean really, is there a much nicer way to tell someone their spelling and grammar is bad??
This reminds me of the many complaints I hear from friends that teach in public schools. Parents complain when their kid gets a bad grade. They think the teacher is being “mean”. As though asking any child to actually study, learn and put forth some effort is unreasonable.
I agree with Katie.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:52 pm
I don’t know. When I am chatting online a lot of times it’s about speed, so we use abbreviations such as dh, or no capital letters and less punctuation for convenience. I would not speak that way or use that in a formal writing environment, but it wouldn’t bother me for a child to do that in blogging. I look at my kids blogging as creative thing. I just want to encourage them to get some ideas out in a “written” form. I always tell them when we journal that I’m not grading it or checking for errors. I just want them to feel free to write. So, I guess I would probably tell my kids that in some ways this child seems less bright by talking or writing this way, but that we don’t really know him IRL so I can’t judge who he is by that. I try to teach my kids that all are creations of God and that we are to love everyone. We don’t hang out with everyone or love everyone’s actions, but I certainly wouldn’t tell them they can’t read his blog or interact with him only because of his grammatical errors.
April 24th, 2008 at 4:47 am
Wow, I have to say that I was quite shocked by your response to the boy with the blog. I was under the impression that a blog was to communicate in a fun way with other people. My kids writre very nice letters when needed, however when just trading note with friends they write all kinds of abbreviations, slang, but no cussing.It os a creative form of expressing themselves.I am a great speller, however I am a terrible typer.Does this mean that your children are now no longer allowed to play with cildren who do not speak with the correct grammer?
There are time when the content is more important than the correct spelling.Disrespecting Jeff was not nice, however what Jeff did was not nice either. I am sorry you feel the way you do about this. Leena
April 24th, 2008 at 5:07 am
Lacking humility is far worse than lacking spelling skills.
April 24th, 2008 at 5:38 am
I personally am a terrible speller! I guess you had better ban your children from my blog too! LOL! :o) I wouldn’t have made a big deal of the spelling but maybe like someone else suggested, made it into a spelling lesson. But I’m one for turning lemons into lemonade! I think the bad attitude was far worse, but wouldn’t have had my kids write to him. If I felt that strongly about it I would probably just blocked his communication. He probably didn’t understand what he is supposed to have done so wrong as to have lost his friends!! Sorry, can’t agree with you on this one, but I love you anyway! :o)
April 24th, 2008 at 5:47 am
First of all, in your response to Dianna’s first comment above “bafoon” = buffoon. Maybe you should work on that log in your own eye.
Also, I enjoy your blog but I find it almost comical that anyone would waste the time to disagree with you. You are honestly one of the most closed-minded, critical, prideful people I have ever “read.” Of course, it’s your blog so you can say and do what you want but I don’t know why anyone expects that you will ever be humble or admit you were wrong about something. Ain’t gonna happen!
April 24th, 2008 at 6:42 am
..”um, people need to go back and read the post. It clearly says the blogging boy was homeschooled. I’m not sure where some of the commenters got that he was ps?
Debbie, People were referring to the children at the PARK not the child IMing Jenna. So, maybe YOU should go back and read the post before you begin to insult others.
April 24th, 2008 at 7:00 am
This has nothing to do with usurping anyone’s authority. When you tell one of the neighbor kids they cannot come over anymore because of ____ behavior, does that mean you are usurping their parents’ authority? No.
Like Tara said:
That is how these parents are. Yes, I do know them personally and my kids know their kids.
I do not understand why any criticism is considered an “attack” these days. Why is it that these same people criticize others, but when someone criticizes them they call it an attack and throw the bible at them?
For me, the issue isn’t so much the child’s poor spelling, as it is his lack of effort. The child does not make an effort to spell correctly or use any punctuation. I think it is rude to make the readers of a public blog have to try to figure out what a person is talking about because they are too lazy to write correctly.
Not all of our children who blog have good spelling. Some of them have downright poor spelling. We proofread every child’s post before letting them submit it. We have them fix the spelling errors and most grammatical errors. As homeschoolers, it is our job to make sure our children are taught the correct way to spell - all the time, not just in their spelling workbooks.
I suppose in the name of creative expression, we could let them post all manner of stupidity, written in text message style and internet slang.
Maybe I need to start blogging again…
April 24th, 2008 at 7:15 am
I still am just curious as to how you knew the children in the park were PS kids? I understand that the boy online was a hs child (I did go back and re-read, realizing my error). I was just curious to how you knew.
April 24th, 2008 at 7:22 am
Uh, Katie, what the heck is a “bafoon”? Or do you mean, “buffoon”? ;)
April 24th, 2008 at 7:42 am
Barb, I was not insulting anyone, and if you go back and read the comments, there were people confused about that. But don’t worry, I’m not insulted by your comment. :)
April 24th, 2008 at 7:51 am
Kim and others who wondered how she knew the slushie toting kids were public schooled, I cannot speak for Katie, but I can gernally know that kids are public schooled, not just by their behavior (because certainly all children regardless of educational method can misbehave), but by the time of day they are coming to the park. Generally after school there is a huge influx of kids at the park, Mc Donalds, or other places like that because the kids have been at school all day and need that time to decompress. My kids have not always been homeschooled and I know they needed that decompression time. I knew the look on my children’s faces was so relieved to out of school and have some real free time to pursue their own interests. I know the difference in the looks because now my children don’t get that look anymore because much of their education is geared around their interests. Even people who did not know that we had been homeschooling had commented this year how much my children had matured, how they seemed less stressed and how they were just in general a joy to be around. Have I seen homeschooled kids I don’t want to be around, you bet! Anyway, my guess in this instance is it was more the time of day?
April 24th, 2008 at 8:28 am
It makes me feel slightly better that you actually knew the situation somewhat before the PMs. Although the way the dad’s PM sounded….doesn’t sound as if you know each other much. I agree with your standard of using a blog to teach your children to communicate properly….I would do the same thing with my kids (proofreading, etc.) I see no other real beneficial purpose in online blogging at their age if it wasn’t an educational exercise. But, that is my preference….I don’t see it as ‘every homeschooler’s responsibility’ to use a blog in that way with their kids. And, I can think of several ways of communicating what you needed to in a more humble, less offensive way to the other party. Humble and inoffensive is definitely not the Bettendorf way! ;)
April 24th, 2008 at 10:17 am
WOW.
As a mother who was homeschooled her whole life with children in public school I believe I’ve seen the best and worst of both sides. Some of the very worst behaved children I have ever seen were homeschooled. I firmly believe the bahaviour of children is solely based on the parenting skills their parents possess and implement. I have seen ill bahaved public school children as well, unfortunately the majority of poorly mannered children I’ve encountered recently have been home schooled.
I find it completely unfair to “label” children based on where their parents choose to educate them. Maybe a better idea would be to blame the parents for giving their children poor instruction and training or none at all.
As far as this twelve year old child. I don’t really have an opinion. I don’t allow my children to blog yet, my daughter reads our family blog, a few adult friends blogs, and one adoption blog. I don’t see the need for her to have her own blog yet, partly due to the fact of not wanting her to be put in this exact sort of situation. If she read a blog with misspellings I’m sure she’d just tell me this kid needed to learn how to spell. No harm done there. I think you’ve over reacted to begin with but I would be horrified if any of my kids responded with the disrespect that child did to Jeff.
Love ya Katie - and you know we don’t always see eye to eye but there’s my 2 cents.
April 24th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Wow. Not sure where to start. First off, assuming that all poorly behaved kids at the park are public schooled is a bit presumptuous. They were there in the middle of the day like you, so perhaps they were homeschooled too, because otherwise, shouldn’t they have been in school? And the fact that they came and wanted to socialize with you, makes me think they were homeschooled. Because you know, public school kids can only socialize with those their own age.
I really agree with Jen that you’re acting elitist and quite Nazi-ish to separate your kids from the poor speller. Sheesh, just tell them to stop reading the stupid boy’s blog and let it go. If someone had sent an email like you sent to that boy to one of my children, I’d be livid and I know you would be if someone sent something like that to you about one of your kids. If you’re trying to teach your kids to discriminate against people who aren’t as smart, aren’t homeschooled, aren’t adopted, don’t have mixed heritages, haven’t survived cancer, you’re doing a great job.
You know, that’s not quite how Jesus said to do it….
April 24th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Is the greater issue here spelling or salvation & sanctification?
Shouldn’t our concern about our kids’ friends be centered around bringing glory to God through their behaviour towards each other? I’m not sure that bad spelling is essentially detracting from that - I do wonder, however, if shunning a child because of it does….
One of my favourite quotes is “Godliness before giftedness”" - meant to remind me that whether I am gifted at something is not as important as whether I am being godly - even if it means not exercising my gifts. We cannot change how other people are - but we can control our own behaviour with the aim of loving Him first and each other second.
Do you think this fits that category?
April 24th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Wow.
I’m seeing some serious over-reacting going on…
April 24th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I’d say! :)
April 24th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
I agree!
April 24th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
I’m actually finding it interesting how these ‘lacking in humility’ posts correspond with the posts on having your property vandalized… almost makes one wonder how life off the blog is going. I know I’ve never had someone scribble ‘Thanks Asshole” on my van, or tear apart my property- and I am very outgoing.
I will continue to pray for little Jill, but unbookmarking this blog.
Nicole
April 24th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
That was rude Nicole. People who vandalize property and other peoples’ vehicles do so because they have no respect for anything or anyone else. How dare you imply that this nice family deserved that treatment? RUDE!
April 24th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Did the 12 yo boy deserve equal treatment?
April 24th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
You are comparing vandalism and gunfire to asking a boy to stop commenting on my kids’ blogs?
April 24th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
The van was vandalized in the hospital parking lot because it was parked crooked. The person would not have even known whose it was. Duh.
April 25th, 2008 at 2:17 am
OK, I just cant let this die yet. But I’m going to take a different tack. Sonic Slushes. Katie, I am awed by the amount of forethought that goes into your children’s diet. I WISH! But I’m not there-yet. I do monitor closely the amount of sugar/dye that goes into my children’s mouths. Why? Because it makes them ABSOLUTELY crazy and rude! My dh doesn’t see the effect as clearly as I do so we are not on the same page there. But then, if he feeds them he is around to have to deal with the behaviors. Just how much of these offending food they consume is directly dictated by how difficult I want my day/week to be. If I just don’t have the energy, it doesn’t go into the mouth. I do, ruefully, think they ingest way too much sugar and dye. I do know, however, that they consume far less than the population at large.
They get it, too. Just yesterday I was at Wal-Mart with 3yo and 5yo. 3yo saw something he thought looked yummy. Picking up the bottle of snowcone flavor from the shelf he asked me, “Mommy, can we get dis?”
To which I replied, “No, baby. It’s sugar and dye and they make us crazy.”
“Oh.” And that was that. He returned the product to the shelf much to the amazed chuckle of the grandmother in the aisle.
2 points here:
1) Children do not have to be ignorant. It is taught from other ignorant people.
2) Much of the bad behavior I see could be lessened or done away with altogether if we as Americans ate real food that has not had all the nutrition processed out of it.
Yes, I know I said 2 points but here’s a 3rd anyway:
3) Of course they were PS when they show up at the park at 3:45 after a quick swing by Sonic because the nonfood they ate at school has not lasted them until dinner.
I’ll be the pot or the kettle. Whichever one. It doesn’t matter. They’re both black. And I will keep reading.
I think you sometimes provoke this kind of debate on purpose!!!!! ;)
You are funny and I am glad you do not take the internet (or my blog) too seriously. :) And the beef I had with the slushes was not the sugar and additives but that they were on a piece of playground equipment that was spinning wildly and slushes are wet and sticky. I didn’t want a mess to clean up. :)
Debate I expect and like but the level of animosity always seems to shock me. You’d think I’d begin to realize that not everyone has a life outside of the internet so they take things very personally. Thanks for adding your opinion. :) -Katie
April 25th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Well, my younger ones don’t do blogs either and I have two who can’t spell worth a hoot! I’m not sure what I would do, probably just ignore them as far as spelling goes, but disrespect….that’s a different story.
My 17 year old has a blog and a dear friend of ours who is 32 years old, makes comments all the time. He can NOT spell either. He knows he can’t and doesn’t see what difference it makes whether you can spell or not. He’s very intelligent, just can’t spell and has a GREAT job! He makes about 3 times what we make even with his lack of spelling ability. So, spelling doesn’t ALWAYS provide lousy jobs, just sometimes. Unfortunately, in today’s society, it isn’t always necessary to learn to spell, partly BECAUSE of spell check. You don’t have to learn to spell, just punch a computer button. :)
I’m STILL trying to get MY 12 year old to spell properly. (You might check out “All About Spelling” for your own non-speller’s, it’s really good! That’s what we’re working with right now) My 23 year old got out of the house before I was successful with him, so he just doesn’t write, he talks. :)
April 25th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
Dear Miss,
My mum reads your blog because you talk about organic foods and homeschooling techniques etc. Not to be rude, but since you care about spelling and grammar you might like to know you misspelled ‘buffoon.’
April 26th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
My kids don’t read blogs… except mine, lol!
But I agree- the kid is/was rude, and the father was just about as bad… I would be embarrassed if it were my son or husband- and my husband is kinda dyslexic… ugh.
Anyhoo- I’ll have to write up that roseola story for you soon. Glad Jodi’s labs are looking good!
Enjoy them all-
ali
April 27th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
I’m only going to respond about the grammar/spelling - I’m letting my children start blogging - bad grammar/spelling and all. I want them to learn, and that takes time. My oldest has only put up 2 posts and I want him to put up more. It’s a time for him to be creative and have fun and not have to redo it because of errors. My oldest is 11, and I have 2 10yo’s and they too will soon be able to post on our family blog. They both also journal, and we do go through and correct journaling errors. Blogging is different in our home - more of an outlet. I know with the guidance we give in their schooling, their blog posts will improve as well.
Why would you use a public forum to showcase their poor spelling instead of using a private journal for “creativity”? -Katie
May 3rd, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Thought you might find this clip interesting, I have been quietly reading your blog for about a year now. I am a homeschooler student myself and will be graduating this year.
I was not sure were else to put this comment so I figured this would be a seemingly nice place. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHtpoPNlqy
May 5th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I Cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I wsa rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and yuo cna sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, btu teh wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig hhu? yahe and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmoraantt!
I got this on my email today. I thought it could add a smile to this crazy debate.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:37 am
I think your comments to the boy were very rude and judgmental. You could have simply asked your kids to stop reading his blog and left it at that. Or blocked his comments if needed. He is 12 and you are an adult. In my opinion you were the immature one in this situation and if I was the boys parent it would have upset me. I don’t think you were usurping his authority I think you were just extremely rude to a child. Very disappointing.