2.  I  love my children so very much and I will always be here for them.

3.  I have learned a lot about myself and others in the past six months.

4.  I am a completely different person than I ever used to be.

5.  Pleasing God is my number one priority… followed by Katie and my kids.

6.  I have taken a Psychological Evaluation and found out I am “normal” – with some situational depression.

7.  I enrolled in an anger management group although I’ve never considered myself to have an anger problem.

8.  I have lost 40 pounds since July and am in better shape than I have been in a long, long time.

9.  I have not taken my wedding ring off and never plan to.

10.  I trust God completely and believe things are moving in the right direction. 

And there is one more thing I want to tell you all – the only problem is I can’t say anything quite yet.  As soon as I have the go-ahead to tell you, I will.

I do want to tell you about this awesome, awesome book I am reading.  I recommend this book to everyone who is married or thinking about getting married or single and planning to stay that way.  This book is great!  I won’t go into all the details about it, or any for that matter, but you can click on the link below and read the reviews – then order yourself a copy… you will be glad you did.  This would be a great book to study with some friends.

If any of you have read the book already, I would be interested to hear what you thought about it.

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In January of 2007, Jillian started getting sick and complaining of pain in her side.  In February we found out she had cancer!  That was a very stressful time for us as a family – we never really had to deal with a major illness like that before.  There were many times we were not sure if Jill would make it.  It is a miracle that she is with us today.  Most kids with PPB are not around to tell about it three years later.  God is great!

Katie made this video and did a wonderful job!  I love the songs she chose!  Take the time to really listen to the words…

There are times in our lives that we may think our problems are just too big for God to handle – that things are so bad that there is no way they can be fixed.  Paul says in Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  That has been true in my life so far and I have faith that it will continue to be true.

Please continue praying for our family.

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Here is what the name Joel means…

The name Joel is most commonly interpreted to be a combination of two elements. The first element is jah, which is the commonly accepted abbreviated form of YHWH, which is YHWH, the Name of the Lord. This very short abbreviation of YHWH also occurs in the names Joab and Jochebed.

The second element of the name Joel is el (El 93), the common abbreviation of Elohim, the genus God. The name Joel is the name Elijah reversed and means Yah Is El, or Yahweh is Elohim, or The Lord Is God.

However, in cognate languages this name exists as well, but means something else. That something else also exists in Hebrew, namely the verb yaal (ya’al 830-831). yaal (ya’al 830) means be foolish. yaal (ya’al 831) means show willingness, be pleased, determine, undertake. Past tense forms of these verbs look identical to the name Joel. Hence the name Joel also means He Was Foolish, He Was Willing/Determined.

Please continue to keep our family in your prayers!

God Bless you all!

Jeff

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How does God speak to us?

One way is through His Word, the Bible.  2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NLT) says that "All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives.  It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.  God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work."

Isaiah 55:10-12 (NIV) As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.  You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

Another way God speaks to us is through impressions, events and thoughts.  God allows events to happen in our lives to direct us, change us and to help us grow spiritually.  James 1:2-5 (NIV) says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."  God says if we ask Him for wisdom, He will give it to us.  When we face trials in our lives we need to ask God what He is trying to teach us.  We ALL face trials in our lives from time to time – it is how we handle those trials that make all the difference.  Do we handle them our way or do we seek out God’s way?

And finally, God sometimes speaks audibly to people.  If God were to speak audibly to you today, His words would be in full agreement with what He has said in the Bible (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

God does not contradict Himself.   That means the "still, small voice" you hear will not contradict what the Word says… ever!   You can’t honestly say that you think God wants you to hurt or kill someone.  You can’t say it is His will for you to be mean to your neighbors because their dog gets in your trash.  You can’t say it is his will for you to… I am sure you get the point – if it is contrary to scripture, it is not God’s will.

Also, the ends do not justify the means if the means are not biblical.  The end result you are trying to achieve may be in God’s will, but if you have to do something contrary to scripture to get to that point then you just messed the whole thing up… it is no longer God’s will for you.   Like the Christian woman that says "I really feel God wants me to leave my husband… you know, God says He wants the best for me – my husband is not nice to me and the kids, he is not a biblical leader, he won’t go to church with us.  I met this great Christian guy… he would be a great father – I really feel at peace about the whole thing."  Uh huh.  God does not contradict himself… ever!

We need to take the time to listen to God.  Many of us read the bible and pray every day, but do we really take the time to listen to what God is trying to tell us?  Do we set aside a certain time everyday, without distractions, to spend time alone with God?   You can do this anytime during the day that fits into your schedule, but I find that first thing in the morning works best. 

You don’t have to set aside hours to do this – just do it everyday – consistency is the key.   It usually takes me 30 minutes or less to do this.  Right when you wake up, before starting any other projects or chores, grab your bible and head somewhere quiet.  Start with a prayer.  Don’t just talk AT God… ask God to help you to hear what he wants to teach you today.  Ask him to help keep your mind from being distracted by other things.  Then open your bible and start reading. 

I like to read a chapter from Psalms and a chapter from Proverbs in the morning – it gets me into the right frame of mind for the rest of the day.  While you are reading, try to remain focused on yourself and how what you are reading applies to you – not someone else… if you get to the end of what you are reading and all you can say is "wow, my boss sure needs to read that one!" then you are in the wrong mindset.  Something that helps me is to read slowly.  Really try to digest what you are reading.  Read it out loud if you have to.  Read the sentence two or three times if you have to.  Grab your highlighter.  It’s all about "hearing" what God is saying to you.

When you are done reading just sit there and be quiet.  Think over what you just read.  Were there any verses that really seemed to be speaking directly to you?  If so, go back and look at those verses and think about the situations in your life that they apply to.  Now take the time to pray again and ask God to help remind you of those verses throughout the day and to help you apply them to your life.

Listening to God requires a right attitude in our hearts.  In order to listen to God and receive His instruction, we must want to do His will.  God honors the heart that is fully surrendered to Him.  If we stubbornly cling to our own desires, we are probably going to get a garbled message that will not be God’s voice at all.  As a result, we are likely to continue pursuing a path that is contrary to the one God has designed for our lives.

After a long time of reading, praying and listening to God, you still may not feel sure you know God’s will for your life.  That’s okay.  I can tell you this… if you are in the Word daily and you really desire to surrender your life to Him, you will, in the very least, learn what his will IS NOT – and I would say that is just as important as knowing what his will IS.

Here is a blog post by Vonda Skelton you might enjoy – God’s Good, Pleasing and Perfect Will

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"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28, NASB

Life is a lot like a puzzle. A few weeks ago I stood looking at a one-thousand-piece puzzle. I am not a puzzle-person. If I had to put a thousand-piece puzzle together, it would be a life sentence for me; I can’t imagine doing that.

When my son was sixteen or eighteen months old, he had the most amazing eye-hand coordination. We had this fifty-piece puzzle of the United States, and he would put this thing together! Here was this little kid doing this, and I was just amazed! As we walked out of the room I thought, "If he can do that, I should be able to do it!" It took me forever, and I finally gave up!

Life is like a puzzle. Maybe you’ve lived one or two pieces worth of the puzzle, but it is a thousand piece puzzle. Maybe you’ve lived twenty years in the Lord and you can look back at your life and say, "Oh, now I see how that connects to that! Whoa!" But still, what do you see? You can’t see much. Maybe you can see a corner. If the whole puzzle was a corner, it would be easier!

If you continue to work the puzzle, you might begin to see a picture take shape. You may begin to see parts of the photo, like the trees and snow. But are you sure? We’re talking about the fact that there are 973 more pieces to go!

Let’s say that these three pieces do show trees and snow.

Can you imagine what would happen if God gave you the privilege of going to Heaven for a day with your three pieces of puzzle in your hand? God says, "These three pieces are just what I am beginning to do in your life. It’s so important, and if you don’t do this, I can’t connect the rest of it. Let Me show you what the rest of the whole picture is!" When the Lord shows you the whole picture, you’d probably say something like, "Lord, I never would have thought of that! How did You come up with stuff like this?" He says, "I’m God." You see, if you don’t live out this corner of the puzzle, the rest of it wouldn’t happen.

The way God looks at it is this: "All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose."

What’s important is for you to let God work the pieces that He is working on right now. Remember that all things are working together for good—even if it is a piece that you can’t understand or can’t possibly see how it could fit. "This doesn’t go anywhere! It must be a mistake! They must have put two puzzles together or they cut it wrong. There’s something wrong here." Then you get right near the end and say, "Oh, I should have seen that!" Or someone else will come up and plunk down that piece right in the right spot. Life happens like that, too. Sometimes someone will tell you something and it just "clicks." "Why didn’t I think of that?" 

Psalm 34, verses 8-9, "Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him! Fear the Lord, you his godly people, for those who fear him will have all they need."

Proverbs 4, verses 18-19, "The way of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, which shines ever brighter until the full light of day. But the way of the wicked is like total darkness. They have no idea what they are stumbling over."

I loved today’s message, but the Grace Mail Response was of equal blessing–very sweet perspective from someone who has obviously learned to fix their eyes on heaven! Thank you so much for your encouragement and for giving a forum for the body of Christ to bless one another! 

I’m praying for you,

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Here is a recent picture of me that I took with my cell phone.  I like blog posts with pictures.

I worked part of Thanksgiving day and had dinner at some friends’ house.  They had family in from out of town and had some friends over.  Before dinner we went around the table and stated things we were thankful for.  It is a nice tradition, but sadly, most of the people didn’t really put a lot of thought into it and just said whatever.  I just said “I am thankful for my health, my family and my friends.”  People take so many things for granted – I am guilty of that myself.  I used to take my wife, kids, extended family and financial situation for granted everyday.  I no longer do.

In no particular order…

I am thankful for my health.  I am a pretty healthy person – I rarely get sick.

I am thankful for my job.

I am thankful for the income that job provides.

I am thankful to have a place to live.

I am thankful for my friends.

I am thankful that God sent his Son to die for my sins.

I am thankful for fellowship at church.

I am thankful to have a vehicle to get me around.

I am thankful that God brought Katie into my life.

I am thankful for the five biological children that God allowed us to have together.

I am thankful that God is taking care of Katie during this pregnancy and that baby#6 will be here in January.

I am thankful for the seven children that God allowed us to adopt.

I am thankful for my parents and that they are still living.

I am thankful that my Jillian was healed of her cancer.

I am thankful a more thorough investigation of these allegations is being done and that things may draw to a close soon.

There are so many things I am thankful for and I pray I will never take things in my life for granted again.

Little things used to bother me… like the kids making too much noise, hair in the shower drain, popcorn kernels all over the floor, toys scattered around the yard, etc.  Life is too short to get annoyed by things like that.  Life is meant to live and enjoy.  You know, I would do anything right now to hear kids playing, even if they were being “too loud”. I would count it a privilege to clean the hair out of the drain.  I would be happy to vacuum up the popcorn kernels.  I wouldn’t be bothered by having to drive around a tricycle that was left in the driveway.  My perspective on life has changed.  You don’t really appreciate what you have until it is taken away and then you would do anything in the world to have it all back.

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Hey! I made it again!!  Can not believe I am updating everyone just a week later.  Well that was my goal.  Let me see here.

This one’s for Aunt Jennie in VA!!  I’m told she has a favorite!! :)

Monday we hit the chiro again.  My friend Kristina was there at the same time.  Boy, did we draw some looks!!  Her kids are 8yo twin girls, 3yo girl, 5month old foster baby and 7 week old foster baby.  We went in our room, she was in her room and in the room across the hall was a couple waiting for Charlie that was just fascinated with the whole going ons!  ROFL  I was standing in the hall chatting with Kristina who was in her examining room, Jeff was standing in the hall listening to us, the kids were in our examining room (and the hall of course) and this other woman was standing in her doorway listening and interjecting questions! LOL J  And Dr. Charlie takes it all in stride!!  He is so funny!  He is perfect for our family.  If one of the kids loses a tooth he makes a comment like “Oh I see you were rough housing with this one and knocked his tooth out.” Or the other day Jeff had a big bruise on his arm from Jenna.  That is why he should pick on someone his own size.  When we went in I said “If you see any bruises…….it was not from me.  The *kids* did that to Jeff!”  Charlie laughed and I said “I didn’t want you to report me for spousal abuse!”  Jeff had to have his *toes* popped as he hurt them somehow when he went around the neighborhood handing out flyers regarding our battle with the HOA.  That was interesting.  I was adjusted BEFORE Jeff so I didn’t have stinky foot hands all over my back. ;)

Tuesday was a lazy day for the kids and a busy day for me and Jeff.  We are frantically trying to put together stuff for the HOA and figure out what our options are.  The HOA has said that we can not park our bus in the community.  I may have told you guys this already……who can remember? ROFL  So anyways, we are just compiling paperwork and information and proof and blah blah blah.  I did get a nice phone call of encouragement from a family down the road that has 6 biological children.  It was interesting to hear her take on it as she has had similar problems with the HOA.  It seems that unless you “party” with the board members you can forget having anything approved.  Maybe it is time to have a BBQ at our house?  ;) 

Our “everyday” lunch of salad and tuna.  You can see the containers of cheese, cucumber, tuna, crushed Doritos, green onions, salad dressing.  Sometimes we have radishes and celery as well. J It is kind of a buffet, serve yourself type deal. :)

We went out to Chinese food Tuesday as nobody was interested in cooking!!  It was so nice and not busy!  The staff and owner there are SO NICE!!  My kids all run up and hug the hostess.  Her name is Lin (pronounced more like Leen) and she is young, no kids but just loves to talk to them!!  She stands by our table and chats with the older kids for a large portion of the meal.  It is a wonder any eating gets done!  When we come in she hugs them and pats their heads and as Jenna said “pets me”.  They are petters, this is true.  And the kids beam and giggle. :)  Helen, the owner, stopped Jenna when she was getting ice cream and asked her some questions about homeschooling I guess.  I was not there and don’t remember the conversation now but Helen adores our family and has asked that once they move into their house in June can they come over and “You teach me, train my son the way you train your kids.  My son scream and hit me all day.”  Her son is 4 years old!!!  They are building a new home just several blocks down the road from us!!!  There was a little boy sitting at the table down the way from us.  He was interesting as he climbed up on and lay on the tables, screamed and just generally made a ruckus.  He was about 4yo and my kids just shook their heads and we exchanged knowing glances. ;)  Our waitress was SO nice!!  We have not had her before.  The first thing she said was “Oh you pregnant again?” and when I did not quite understand what she said and I hesitated she quick said “Oh nevermind, nevermind.”  Then I realized what she said and said “YES!!  YES!!  I am pregnant!”  She breathed a sigh and I said “Oh you thought you were going to get yourself in trouble there!”

Wednesday I took the morning to reconnect with the kids as I felt so out of the loop on Tuesday.  So I spent the morning with them…….let me think…..I was cracking up.  At one point Jillian and Lina were arguing so I had Jill come sit by me.  I told her “Sit here and be quiet.”  But she started making conversation with me and saying things like “Mom, I’m not sitting down.” So I would stifle a chuckle and say seriously “Jillian, sit down.” And then she would.  Then she would take her little toy and make la la la la noises while looking at me out of the corner of her eye.  I would look at her and she would smile and say “Mom, I’m not being quiet.” And I’d get stern and say “Jillian, be quiet!”  The funniest thing Jill and Lina do now is have arguments.  One night Jeff and I were each reading the paper and the kids were all around playing but it was pretty quiet and Jill and Lina start in “Dollie (Jill) you stop.”  “No Baby(Lina) you stop.” “No you stop.” “No you.”  “No you stop Dollie.”  “You stop Baby.”  Around this point I started chuckling under my breath and Jeff looked over at me.  Then he heard them.  They were playing on the floor on opposite sides of the table.  They each had their own toys, they were playing happily, they were just having this little bickering time! ROFL  So Jeff started laughing quietly and one by one each of the kids realized we were chuckling and they heard what was going on and they all started chuckling.  Then I said “Jill and Lina!!!  (mock frustration) Stop!” and they both giggled.  How did they get so SILLY???  That must be a gene from Jeff!!!  ;)

Now writing this on Wednesday…….this was a LAZY day today.  The kids are in front of a movie.  We are getting Taco Bell for dinner. YUM!  And Kristina is going to let us borrow a new movie for after dinner.  I will make popcorn and kids will watch a movie and Jeff and I will go to bed when the kids do (EARLY for us!!) 

The kids spending “quality time” with the TV! ;)

Thursday we FINALLY made it to Sam’s Club.  We had been out of food for so long, hence the eating out all the time!!  We are just finding it difficult to find time!!  I know things will even out once Jeff gets back from his training and this HOA thing blows over.  We went to Del Taco first (remember, no food in the house! LOL) and ate lunch.  Then Sam’s is right across the parking lot.  It was funny because we used to go Friday afternoons or Saturday afternoons and everyone knew us.  Thursday NO ONE who worked there knew us.  Not one familiar face.  There were some older shoppers there though!  Older people always appreciate what we are doing.  You know, they use words like “You have those kids *trained* well!” and “Looks like you have them all in line!!”  You do not hear the younger generation using words like “train” and having “kids in line”.  LOL  Now-a-days it is all about how the children *feel* and not *stifling* their ability to explore.  One older couple looked at all the kids, got big smiles on their faces and then the man said “Hey!  You need more little ones!!!”  What a funny thing to say!!  I held my shirt against my belly and said “Hey, I’m working on it!”  Another woman stopped and asked if they are all ours and I said “Yes, and the two around the corner with that good looking guy are with us as well.”  Where she was she could see Jeff as well.  She said “You have very nice kids.”  Funny how all they have to do is have manners and they are considered “nice kids”.  I mean, they were being people.  They were chatting and hanging out.  I guess if you are a kid and you don’t run around kicking the old ladies in the shins and stealing their purses then you are “nice”. :)

It is so reassuring to know that I can use God’s road map for discipline and child rearing and I never have to lose control of myself!  I was telling a friend of mine that the recipe for child rearing a simple one.  Just read the Bible and follow the directions.  Really there are only a couple things you have to do to do it right!!  Why does everyone want to complicate it with tons of analyzing and too much emphasis on feelings (feelings are not always the truth!).  Perhaps that is why Jeff and I are never undone by our kids.  That is why people just don’t understand why and how we have so many kids.  Our perspective, our motivation and our mode of operandi is so foreign to most the world that they can not wrap their brains around our situation.  They can not understand that we are not just fraught with tiredness, feeling overwhelmed and wondering when it will all be over.  Their perspective is not our reality.  I think I have just had a revelation and my own personal epiphany.  I am starting to understand the other side. ;)  LOL

Here is a great article that made me want to stand on the rooftop and scream “We are a large family, hear us roar!!”  It is written to Catholics but so much of it applies to us that I thought it was fabulous!!

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/religion/849466/posts

Jessica!!

On our way out of Sam’s my fabulous husband picked me up a berry sundae from the snack bar place there.  Oh YAAAAAA!!  You have not lived until you have had a berry sundae from Sam’s.  I’m not really into sweets so I don’t get them very often but they are SO good!  Real ice cream (not ice milk) and real berries.  John and I pushed the carts outside to wait in the warm (stores keep their A/C so low in the summer!!) and then Jillian held my ice cream on the way to the bus.  She said “I have your ice cream when you done?”  I said sure!!  But by the time we were 2 minutes down the road Jillian was asleep so Jeff was forced to eat it.  Poor Jeff! ;)

For dinner we had the vegetable beef soup again!  I was so excited to have “real food”.  I had been feeling funky all day so I had barely eaten anything for lunch or dinner.  All the kids had cheese on theirs and Jeff had cayenne on his.  Weird man.  Just talking about that soup makes me want a bowl.  I almost bought a BIGGER stock pot at Sam’s yesterday.  I’m not sure what I would have done with it as the one we have now is almost too heavy for me to lift when it has food in it! ROFL  But last night we filled our big stock pot with soup and I intend to eat soup every meal (the kids can eat other stuff if they want :) ) until it is gone.  I really like that soup!  Jeff made the soup last night.  That was so nice!!  I sat at the dining room table and cut some veggies.  My legs hurt from walking around Sam’s (it seems everything has gone to pot earlier this pregnancy) and so Jeff handled the standing, stirring, tasting, seasoning, stirring, tasting, tasting, tasting…..

Jeff has been such a saint this pregnancy!!  When I was sick for a week not too long ago it was not unheard of for him to handle all three meals and take care of the kids all day while I just lay in bed.  So he handled the cooking and serving last night.  I think he is afraid he is going to miss us when he goes on his training to WI next week. ;) 

After dinner Jacob (age7) started in with his new thing which is multiplication.  One night he said out of the blue “I know what 12 times 6 is.” And then he proceeded to make up multiplication problems randomly and tell us the correct answer.  It turns out he is using the base ten system to figure out how many “tens” there are and then counting out the remaining “ones” in his head.  So he is telling Jeff his “problems” and Jeff is listening intently.  Then Jeff says “ok, what is ______?”  Jacob thinks for half a second and Jeff says “Hurry hurry.  What is it?”  Jacob answers.  Jeff fires off another one and “Hurry hurry, what is it.”  By now Jacob is melting into a fit of giggles trying to be fast. J  After a couple more questions by Jeff I say “Oh ya, and homeschooling is not good…..”  There had been an anti-homeschooling letter to the editor in the paper the day before.  “Here is our 7yo spouting off multiplication problems and giggling like crazy over math problems!  Ya, homeschooling is awful!”  ;)  I went and puttered around the house and when I came back Jeff had Jacob, Andrew and John sitting around him and he is showing them “the tricks”.  You know, the 9 times whatever thing you can do on your fingers and some others.  The boys (especially Jacob) are eating it up!  He made up a “multiplication table” that he drew on the back of a scratch paper.  Jacob came in later when he told me goodnight and he was clutching his new treasure in his hot little hand.  You woulda thought Jeff just invented the stars!!  Now Jenna has a “multiplication table” as well and both hers and Jacob’s are printed from Excel. 

Thursday on the way back from Sam’s Club Jenna says to John “The older you get the more you play with *real* toys.”  And I said “As opposed to *fake* toys.”  And then she explained…….no, fake toys are like the Hot Wheels cars and train set, etc.  Real toys are her guitar, her computer, cooking, sewing, doing real things!!  I thought that was a GREAT observation!!

Friday we had Kristina’s kids over in the morning.  They are such nice kids!!  Kristina had a foster care thing to go to.  She learned that her one foster baby will be going to some family members in the next week.  She was devastated.  Oh well.  She will move on and now she is focusing on the fact that God must have another baby that needs her help and her love more.  That one that is leaving is wanted by someone; there are others that are all alone.  She can help those.  She was also upset that it looked like the baby would end up in daycare.

Jenna and Kristina’s baby!!

John and Kristina’s daughter, Tana.

I was talking to my friend the other day about the fundamental problems with daycare……….she was explaining to me how she could never do daycare as philosophically she could not support a mom who chose to abandon her child 10 hours a day.  Her argument was that if you, as a Christian, leave your child to be raised by others then you are out of God’s will for your life.  The Bible has a lot to say about mothering and being a wife.  Leaving your child is not one of the things that is mentioned as good or condoned!  We were saying to each other that it seems our time would be better spent teaching these women to raise, train, discipline and enjoy their children then just rescuing them from their children.  THAT is Biblical.  Older teaching the younger to love their children!!  You know save them from their own misguided perceptions that children are a burden and an inconvenience.  By just removing the children from their care we have not accomplished anything besides post-poning the inevitable break down of the family structure and relationship that their mindset continues to propagate!  The same thing with schools…. if they do not homeschool, they must admit that they are delegating this awesome responsibility to raise Soldiers for Christ to someone else.  It is NOT the government’s job to educate our children.  That is certainly not biblical and the government does a horrible job of raising children for Christ anyway.  That should be OUR first priority!!   Beginning from infancy we are told the gov’t or some “educated” individual knows what is best for our child.  Has everyone forgotten the very basics in the Bible?  God gives us the perfect child for US!  He makes no MISTAKES!!  And if he says “Katie, this one is for you.  Teach him in the morning and night and when you sit and walk.  And oh by the way, I’ll give you enough grace and patience and strength to do this well.  And when your kids grow up they will call you blessed and you will wear a crown of glory.”  Is that enough for me????  Is that sufficient?  Can I find my joy in that???  Is it true what society says about not everyone being cut out to stay with their child?  Do some moms NEED that break, that adult interaction that working outside the home?  Do some moms have kids that MUST go to school because they are too bright, not bright enough, over sensitive, not socialized or need peer pressure to learn how the world works?  Perhaps what these moms really need is what I mentioned above.  Help these mothers!!  Come aside them and explain to them that the world has been lying to them.  There is a higher calling than a j-o-b.  More important is caring for your children, supporting and encouraging others that have chosen this higher calling and then to help the widows and orphans.  Heavens knows there is more than enough work to go around in that regard!!  We as Christians need to step up to the awesome responsibility that God has given us and stop assuming someone else will fill the gap!!!  Putting my soapbox away!!  I am fired up about large families and parenting in general right now! ROFL

Friday afternoon Channel 12 news came by.  The news reporter was Veronica and she was very nice!!  She tried to interview our neighbor but our neighbor made a BIG scene and called the police for no reason.  It was a little amusing.  Funny how people make themselves look so silly.  The news report was fabulous.  I think we are making headway with the HOA as well. :)  We had a movie night and all the kids stayed up until 10pm to watch the news!  How exciting!  Jeff woke me up Saturday morning at 9am!!  Ummm, I guess I was tired!! 

Heidi should be so proud of her son!!  All week he has been preparing the house for his absence!!  We went to Sam’s and I would say “Oh we need _____” and he would say “Let’s buy two so you don’t run out and don’t have to run to the store.”  Saturday he cleaned out both the kids’ pools,

(ok, I finished cleaning the pool!!) did some laundry, mowed the lawn,

(before the mow)

scoured the backyard for bugs to spray (we have been over run because of the rain, we plan to call an exterminator when Jeff gets back), ordered pizza for fun and just in general made sure things were done before he left.  Jenna said “You are excited to be leaving us.  I can tell because how happy you have been lately.”  She said it with some sarcasm in her voice.  Jeff and I were like “Whatever!!”  And explained that Dad had been acting especially happy and been especially nice and especially attentive because he knows he will not see us for awhile and he wants to make his last days here nice because he will miss us a lot!!  It is interesting to see how little people’s brains work sometimes.  Jenna just learned a lot about how some people respond in these situations.  I’m glad she is observant. :)

Jeff bought a book titled “A million and one guitar chords” for Jenna.  Ok, that was not the real title, but it should have been!

Sunday:  Dropping Jeff at the airport was an adventure! ROFL  Jeff set the alarm for 3:30 and we did not get in bed until midnight!!  He was packing and I was hanging out with him.  We are used to that type of schedule. :)  Well, around 5am Jeff jumps out of bed and says “It is 5am!!  I’m supposed to BE at the airport!”  his flight left at 6am!!  Well so much for that shower and shave heh?  We loaded all the kids in (I was frantic and counted them like 5 times! LOL) and ZOOMED to the airport.  Man oh man, no time for long goodbyes!  It was 5:45 when we got there and by the time I sat down in the drivers seat Jeff was long gone in the building with nothing to be seen of him.  Turns out he missed his flight but they put him on a new one that will actually get him to his destination sooner with a shorter layover!  :) Right on!!!  Turns out Jeff had set the alarm for 3:30PM!!!  LOL

We got home and I did not think I was tired.  You know, 5 hours of sleep is sufficient for anyone, right?  Around 8:30am I put the kids in front of a movie.  Around 9am I thought “I’ll just lay down and watch TV for a second.”  At ten I was awoken by the phone! ROFL  Jeff was calling to update that he arrived in MI safely.  He has a one hour layover and he was planning on taking advantage of the myriad of restaurants they have in their huge airport in Detroit.  One of the first things he said was “You thought Sky Harbor was big!!”  And I said “No, actually I knew Sky Harbor was not so big and I felt quite silly after I dropped you off when it took me a second to find my way out!!”  he said the airport in MI is more like a mall and he had to walk almost a mile to switch planes.  He rode the conveyor belt part way but then got off thinking he had reached his destination and ended up walking the rest of the way.  Good thing he bought some nice pull luggage.

Anthony has been especially cute these days.  His speech has just exploded.  Adam has always been the one with *better* speech while Anthony has more to say! ROFL  So for Anthony to finally come into his own and be able to express himself instead of just make noise is great!  A couple nights ago he came running over and said “Adam, Lina, Lina, Adam, er, Adam, Lina, Lina said I am a bad boy.”  It took him a second to spit it out but it was so cute all the effort he put in.  And he is making these LONG sentences.  I end up just raising my eyebrows at him in amazement!!

I wanted to share an instance of being able to train the kids and nip things in the bud before they got out of hand.  Yesterday Jacob, John and Lina were playing together.  At one point Lina started crying.  When I asked what happened I was told that Jacob slapped Lina’s hand for touching something she shouldn’t.  Let me explain right here that none of the children are allowed to strike, spank or in general discipline for another child for anything.  They can give verbal warnings out of love for their brother like “You know Mom said not to do that.”  In fact, we encourage that.  But they never use physical consequences with each other.  So……when I questioned Jacob his answer was to validate what he did by saying that Lina was touching something she should not have been.  My choices were then to just ignore it, tell him to knock it off, have him give Lina a hug and move on, allow that type of behavior or to take care of it right then.  Well, I gave Jacob quite a lecture.  I explained to him that he has no authority in this house.  He is at the same level as Lina with regard to his standing in this house.  He is no more nor less important than her and they BOTH answer to me and Jeff.  That is the chain of command and he is not part of it!  I explained that I am tired of his constant usurping of our authority (this is a common theme right now) and that I will not tolerate it.  He stood in the corner a good long while yesterday!  Jacob is a smart boy and I am sure we will have this problem in hand shortly. ;)

Oh how exciting!  I just ordered these CDs!!  http://www.mariebellet.com  How fun is that?  Songs about motherhood and large families!  I can just see me and the kids singing these as we walk down the WalMart aisle!!

Jenna and Jacob were discussing who is good in math.  Well of course this conversation COULD quickly turn into “I’m better than YOU in math.” Or whatever.  Well, Jacob says “I’ve got a head for math.”  Wonder where he learned that verbiage! ROFL  Jenna says “I’m really good at reading!” Which is true, she is now reading “Chronicles of Narnia” and then one of them asks “What is John good at?”  Well John does ok at academics but really he is not a bookworm.  So I quick said “John is good at seeing a need and filling that need.  Taking care of what needs to be done.”  Jenna and Jacob nodded.  Whew! I saved the day.  Then THEY started in on finding each of the other kids’ “gifts”.  “What do you think Andrew’s gift is?”  “Andrew is always smiling and it makes everyone else smile.”  :)
  “What about Jessica?”  “Jessica is very outgoing and makes friends really easy.”  “She makes new kids feel comfortable at the park.”  This is true.  I always make her the welcoming committee for any new child age 4-6 at our home school park day.  She is totally in her element being a new friend to someone!!  :)    “What about Junie’s gift?”  And we were stumped there.  We could not figure out the rest of the kids.  I said “Well, when they are little sometimes it is hard as their personalities are harder to read.”  But it was SO NEAT to hear the kids finding the good and building up their brothers and sisters!!  I told someone the other day that I have my own little Utopia in my dining room!!  :)

Andrew!!

WOO HOO! Jenna just made peach/strawberry smoothies!!

Life is good!!!

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You don’t know how difficult it is to find people that understand the behaviors our RAD children have.  It is refreshing to talk to people that actually understand what we live with everyday.  Someone to share stories with that doesn’t look at us like we have two heads.

Many people do not understand our discipline style – they think we are too strict with the kids.  They are usually the ones that do not understand what Reactive Attachment Disorder is.  RAD is not a behavior problem – it is a psychological and neurological disorder – and these kids require different parenting techniques.

I would like to share the following with you – it is from “Captive in the Classroom” by Nancy Thomas.

Overview of Reactive 
Attachment Disorder for Teachers

1. Keep in mind, attachment is on a scale from securely attached to severely attachment disordered.

2. This letter was written by a mom who has three moderately to severely disturbed children. Therfore, it does not apply to all children with attachment problems.

3. Each child’s symptoms will vary as they are at various stages of healing.

4. This letter is available to help educate teachers when the child first comes into their classroom if possible.

If a parent has given you this to read, you are teaching a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder. The family of this child has apparently decided to share this information with you. That sharing is a big step for this family and one you have to treat gently and with the respect it deserves. This family has been through traumas you cannot even imagine. I will describe a few of them here below so that you get the "flavor" and perhaps even begin to understand why this child’s parents sometimes seem so harsh or harried or even depressed.

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is most common in foster and adopted children but can be found in many other so-called "normal" families as well due to divorce, illness or separations. RAD happens when a child is not properly nurtured in the first few months and years of life. The child, left to cry in hunger, pain or need for cuddling, learns that adults will not help him or her. The child whose parent(s) are more involved in getting their next drug fix than they are in nurturing the developing child learns that his or her needs are not primary to adults. Children born of drug or alcohol addicted parents learn even in the womb that things do not feel good and are not safe for them. In severe cases, where the child was an abuse or violence victim, the child learns adults are hurtful and cannot be trusted. The RAD child therefore develops habits of dealing with the world in a way she believes will keep her safe. He manipulates in order to control a world he literally thinks will kill him if he does not control it. Without therapy RAD kids never develop the attachments to another human being which teach them to trust, accept discipline, develop cause and effect thinking, self-control and responsibility for their own actions.

RAD children are often involved in the Juvenile Justice System as they get older. Left untreated, such children can maim, kill and torture without conscience or feeling. They can start fires, kill pets and terrorize their families. It has been said that untreated RAD children grew up to be such persons as Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, Adolph Hitler, the teenagers who shot up Columbine High. They feel no remorse, have no conscience and see no relation between their actions and what happens as a result because they never connected with or relied upon another human being in trust their entire lives. They attempt to become their own parent with predictable results.

What you will see as a teacher is a child who is, initially, surprisingly charming to you, even seeking to hold your hand, climbing into your lap, smiling a lot, you’re delighted you are getting on so well with him/her. At the onset of your contact with the child who has been reported from prior grades as "impossible" you will wonder what those previous teachers did to provoke the behaviors you have not (yet) seen but which are reflected in the prior grade reports. A few months into what you thought was a working relationship the child is suddenly openly defiant, moody, angry and difficult to handle; there is no way to predict what will happen from day to the next; the child eats as if he hasn’t been properly fed and is suspected of stealing other children’s snacks or lunch items; the child does not seem to make or keep friends; the child seems able to play one-on-one for short periods, but cannot really function well in groups; the child is often a bully on the playground; although RAD kids typically have above average intelligence they often do not perform well in school due to lack of problem solving and analytical thinking skills; they often test poorly – often deliberately.

RAD kids will climb into your lap and pretend to be affection starved. RAD kids often talk out loud in class rooms, do not contribute fairly to group work or conversely argue to dominate and control the group. Organizational abilities are limited and monitoring is resented. There may be a sense of hypervigilance about them that you initially perceive as no sense of personal space and general "nosiness". They seem to want to know everyone else’s business but never tell you anything about their own. There is no sense of conscience for their actions, even if someone else is hurt. They may express an offhand or even seemingly sincere "sorry", but will likely do the same thing again tomorrow. These kids thrive on having made you lose it. They are not motivated by self or parental pride, normal reward and punishment systems simply do not work; kindness, sympathy or concern only exacerbate their poor behaviors – you are simply a sucker to be exploited.

They will deliberately omit parts of assignments even when writing their names just so that they are in control of the assignment, not you. When assigned a seat they will choose an indirect, self- selected path to reach the seat. When given a certain number of things to repeat or do, they often do more, or less than directed. They destroy toys, clothing, bedding, pillows, and family memorabilia then feign complete innocence even when the shredded materials are lying at their feet. They will blame parents or siblings or others for missing or incomplete homework, missing items of clothing, lost lunch bags, etc. RAD kids sometimes feign fear of parents when in a public place simply for the reactions it elicits from other adults. They are masters at triangulating parents and teachers with any number of half or completely false stories. They destroy school bags, lose supplies, steal food, sneak sweets, break zippers on coats, tear clothing, and eat so as to disgust those around them (open mouth chewing, food smeared over face).

They often inflict self injuries, pick at scabs until they bleed, seek attention for non-existent/miniscule injuries, yet will seek to avoid adults when they have real injuries or genuine pain. RAD kids will have multiple falls and accidents and frequently complain about what other children have done to them ("he started it!", "Suzi kicked me first"). RAD kids can walk around in significant physical pain from real injuries and will minimize the injury until it is detected, at which point they may be able to exploit the delay occasioned by their own failure to complain appropriately. They will not wipe a running nose or cover a mouth to sneeze or conversely will overreact or exaggerate a cough or mild illness. They accept no responsibility for their actions and do not have any sense of why everyone can get so aggravated with them. They often have scrapes, bumps, bruises and will claim abuse by an adult in order to obtain attention and seem to be "accident prone".

They are in a constant battle for control of their environment and seek that control however they can, even in totally meaningless situations. If they are in control they feel safe. If they are loved and protected by an adult they are convinced they are going to die because they never learned to trust adults, adult judgment or to develop any of what you know as normal feelings of acceptance, safety and warmth. These children often slur words just to make you ask them to repeat themselves or speak more clearly. Their speech patterns are often unusual and may involve talking out of turn, talking constantly, talking nonsense, humming, singsong, asking unanswerable or obvious questions ("Do I get a drink any time today?"). They have one pace – theirs. No amount of "hurry up everyone is waiting on you" will work – they must be in control and you have just told them they are. If you need the child to finish lunch so everyone can go to the playground – he will eat five times slower than usual. Need the child to dress and line up, he will scatter papers, drop clothing, fail to locate gloves, wander around the room – anything to slow the process and control it further. Five minutes later he may be kissing your hand or stroking your cheek for you with absolutely no sense of having caused the mayhem that ensues from his actions.

You can begin to understand what this child’s parents must face on a daily basis. The parents are often tense, involved in control battles for their parental role every minute they are with the child, they adopted the child thinking love would cure anything that had happened to her before the adoption. They have only recently learned that normal parenting will not work with this child; that much of what they have tried to do for years simply fed into the child’s dysfunction. They are frightened, sad, stressed and lonely. Many feel unmerited guilt for their perceived "failure" with this child. The mothers often bear the brunt of the child’s actions and the child is often clever enough to make certain none of it occurs in front of the father. Hence they even triangulate the parents – because it puts them in control of the situation, which makes them feel safer.

It takes a tremendous amount of work and therapy to turn these kids around so that they can experience real feelings and learn to trust. Parents who have embarked on this healing journey for their child need support and consistency from other adults who interact with the child. This diagnosis is a relatively new one in the Pennsylvania mental health community despite widespread acceptance for years in other states.

What can you do as a teacher? CALL THE PARENTS. They will likely not be real warm about this child and can be perceived as too harsh until you get to know them better. Have them in to talk with you about this issue. They are often hostile to outside commentary because no one without RAD information really knows what these folks are living with every day. Call them and talk about what you see in the classroom and ask if they have any other strategies for managing things. Parents who are in counseling and therapy with this child will eventually open up to you and you’ll all be able to help the child get healthy or at least not contribute to his dysfunction. Remember the child’s primary objective is to triangulate you from the parents so that he controls the relationships on his terms, not yours. He may also seek to triangulate you from other supervisory or authority figures at the school.

Parents will tell you if time is precious on a particular occasion due to ongoing therapy, or whatever, don’t feel put off or shut out. They will talk to you when they have time and time is one of the things RAD parents often run out of as they work desperately to save their child’s future. The therapy and home parenting techniques are exhausting and time consumptive. Try to respect that if it seems they are not focusing on your goal of home or class work. Do not trust schoolbag communication or expect things sent in a "communication envelope" to be as complete as when they left the school with the child. Many parents develop alternative communication methods once they realize why they feel so out of it where the school is concerned – they are out of it because that is how the child wants it and the child will hide or destroy notes, information sheets, partially reduce the contents of communication envelopes so that it looks like you simply have an unresponsive parent on your hands. Use the phone and regular mail – it works.

Don’t feel you need to apologize if you have believed this child and blamed the parents. If they have given you this information they already trust you and do not blame you for not having the information you needed – likely they only just recently got it themselves. Make it perfectly clear in your interactions with the child that YOU ARE THE BOSS of the classroom or activity. Remind the child, unemotionally but firmly, that you are the boss, you make the rules. You can even smile when you say it if you can get the "smile all the way up to the eyes", just remember to get the child to verbally acknowledge your position – "yes, ma’am, you are the boss". Do it every day for a while, then use periodic reminders. Insist upon use of titles or prefixes (Miss Jane, Teacher Sarah, Ms. Philips), they establish position and rank. Structure choices so that you remain in control ("do you want to wear your coat or carry it to the playground?", "you may complete that paper sitting or standing", "you may complete that assignment during this period or during recess"). Remember to keep the anger and frustration the child is seeking out of your voice. Try to "smile all the way to your eyes" if you can, otherwise simply stay as neutral as you can. Structure and control without threat.

YOU ARE NOT THE PRIMARY CAREGIVER for this child. You cannot parent this child. You are his teacher, not his therapist, not his parents. Remind the child that her parents are where she can get hugs, cuddles, food and treats. You will only have responsibility for this child for one school year at the most – understand that this child will consider moving into the next grade as your having abandoned him. The only way to avoid that is to remain in your teacher role and support the process of helping this child learn to be a whole human being as best you can in the time you have. Teachers are left behind each year, its normal. These children need to learn that lesson.

Establish EYE CONTACT with this child, insist upon it as often as the opportunity presents itself. Do not be deceived by the child’s focusing on your forehead or chin. RAD kids do not like eye contact and will do just about anything to avoid it unless they are lying or trying to manipulate you, at which point you will be hard put to avoid a staring contest. Be firm, be consistent, be specific.

Try to remember to ACKNOWLEDGE GOOD DECISIONS AND GOOD BEHAVIOR ("I see you made a good choice and finished your homework last night", "I see you decided to sit out the game rather than get into a fight with Sally, that’s a good choice".)

CONSEQUENCE POOR DECISIONS AND BAD BEHAVIOR. Poor decisions and choices like incomplete homework, wrong weight jacket for the weather, also need to be acknowledged ("I see you chose to have incomplete work from this activity period. You may finish it at recess while the other children who chose to finish their work go outside and play. Better luck next time.") Nothing mean or angry or spiteful – it’s just the facts. Remember they have difficulty with cause and effect thinking and have to be taught consequences. Normal reward systems like treats and stickers simply do not work with these children – you will continue to see Jekyll and Hyde from day-to-day with absolutely no correlation to standard reward systems. Standard behavior modification techniques do not work with this child – she doesn’t think the way nurtured children think. Her entire being is centered on being in control so she can be safe. If anyone else is in control she is anxious and certain she is going to die – no kidding, it’s that serious.

Consequencing is a good teaching technique for adults involved with RAD kids – there is a consequence associated with each good behavior, each poor behavior – teach them what those consequences are – they will not think of or recognize them without your direction.

BE CONSISTENT, BE SPECIFIC. The RAD child will be "good" for you one or two days or even weeks just to watch your incredulity at his or her misbehavior the next time. No general compliments like "you’re a good boy!" or "You know better". Be specific and consistent – confront each misbehavior and support each good behavior with direct language. "You scribbled on the desk – you clean it up", "You hit Timmy, you sit here next to me until I decide you may play again without hitting." "You did well on the playground today, good for you!" "You chose to complete that assignment, that’s a good choice!" Be positive when you can.

DO NOT ACCEPT POOR MANNERS OR INCOHERENT SPEECH. The child must say "May I please be excused to use the restroom?" Not "I gotta pee". And yes, they will wet themselves rather than ask appropriately just to upset you and make you think you’re responsible for making them stand there too long. "I see that you wet yourself. That must not feel very good." And go back to whatever you were doing. His embarrassment (maybe) or even just the discomfort is a NATURAL CONSEQUENCE of his choice to wet himself rather than ask for excuse to the restroom properly. Feel free to not respond to slurred or incoherent speech. The child will learn she cannot manipulate you into asking for a repetition or clarification. If you feel you must, tell the child you will not be able to hear him until he makes the choice to speak clearly and then turn your attention elsewhere. The child should say, "Yes, Miss Janice", "No, Mr. Sayers". "Yeah" and "nope" and "I don’t know" are no longer part of the child in therapy’s vocabulary – do not tolerate them in your classroom, they are disrespectful.

This NATURAL CONSEQUENCES thing is important. Do not permit this child to control your behavior by threatening to throw a tantrum (let him, out in the hallway or in another room -"You can have your tantrum here if you choose to"), wetting her pants (let her, then make her clean up any puddles or stains, "I see you’ve wet the rug, here is a rag and bucket to clean it up"), or puttering around doing his own thing when it delays the class’ departure for a planned activity ("I see you’ve chosen to fool around rather than get ready to go, you can wait here in the supervisor’s office until we get back").

Time-outs do not work for these children – they want to isolate themselves from others. Bring the child near the activity he has had to be removed from and have them stand with or sit in a chair along side you. It’s called a "TIME-IN". If you can take the time, speak quietly about how much fun the other children are having and how sad it is that she cannot join in right now. No raised voices, no anger. Don’t lose your temper if you can avoid it, remember he is manipulating you to do just that. If you are going to lose it, seek assistance from another adult until you are back in control of yourself.

DO NOT SYMPATHIZE with this child. Feeling sorry for her will only give her power over you, usurp your role as teacher and prevent you from being effective in your role. Remain consistent in your expectations, do not lower them for this child. The RAD child has even more to learn than "normal" kids.

SUPPORT THE PARENTS. The child who is losing control at home and in the classroom because folks are "on to him" will get a whole lot worse before he gets better. Listen appropriately. Absolutely redirect this child to her parents for choices, hugs, decision-making and sharing of information you believe is either not true or is designed to shock or manipulate you. Follow up with the parents.

REMAIN CALM AND IN CONTROL OF YOURSELF. No matter what she does today. If she manages to upset you, she is in control, not you. Remove yourself or the child from the situation until you are able to cope.

AVOID BEING ALONE WITH THIS CHILD. They learn, shockingly early in life for some of them, that such situations can be manipulated into abuse claims for which there is no "witness".

If your classroom is out of control because of this child, get help. Many school counselors and administrators have not had exposure to the RAD diagnosis or how to handle it in schools. There are many resources available. Don’t give up. These children are inventive, manipulative and very much in need of everything you can offer to help them get healthy. Remind the child you will be speaking with her parents on a regular basis. Report to the child’s home as often as you can without feeling burdened by the effort. Expect notes to be destroyed. Use the phone. If you do not get a response to written communication and the parents seem to be out of touch with general information, do not blame them. Chances are they never got the message, never saw the right number of papers and have no clue what is going on because that is just how the child likes it. It takes control from the parent. Give it back by communicating directly whenever possible.

This child can and will be helped to get healthy and you can be a part of that process with the right tools. Keep in touch with the family. Remember that what you see in school is only the tip of the iceberg – family life is terribly threatening to these children and what the parents have to deal with every day is nearly unimaginable to other uninformed adults. Blaming the family or failing to communicate with them adds to the dysfunction and puts the child at greater risk of never getting healthy. This child is learning in therapy to be respectful, responsible and fun to be around. It will take time, it will be an effort, if in the end it is successful it will be because the adults in her life were consistent and the child decided to work in therapy. Your contribution as his teacher cannot be underestimated or undervalued – his parents will be grateful for the support and the therapist will have fewer inconsistent venues to sort out while helping the child to heal.

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Melanie made an excellent point. I can count on one hand the people we know in real life who comment on this blog. I can count on two fingers the people we know in real life that have commented about the issues that have come up over the last few months.   Many people on here act like they KNOW us – like they are cool because they KNOW the Bettendorf family – they read our blog, they know our kids’ names and what we eat and what we drive…   All you know is what we have chosen to put on the blog over the years.   I realize most of you probably realize that – but there are some – the Bettendorf Fan Club/stalkers  – that really believe they KNOW us.  The fact is – you guys don’t know us!

We have seven children that we adopted and I love them all very much. Most of these children have RAD and/or FAS issues that we have been dealing with over the years. Katie has spoken about those issues here on the blog numerous times and if you have been reading here for any length of time you have surely read about these things. This is something we deal with everyday. We have good days and bad days with these kids. Good weeks and bad weeks. Good months and bad months. Sometimes we will go several months without a problem and then something happens that sets them off and we start having issues again.

Here is a post that Katie made in January of 2008.  This is what she had to say about some of the kids…

ABOUT JOHN

I’ve got the kid that always annoys and badgers his playmate until they are near tears. Ok, get a book, sit at the table and play with no one. But if I leave the room I come back and he is back to his old tricks and excuse me, where is the book you had 5 minutes ago?

ABOUT JACOB

I’ve got the kid that has a bad attitude and everything he does is better than anyone else. If I do something he goes around behind me and “fixes” it. Or if I give him instructions on how to do something he is sure to find a “better” way to do it which is always not the better way. Sheesh! But the know it all attitude is the worst. I spend too much time going around mopping up confusion he has created when he chooses to “educate” the little kids with false information about any trivial item he has read about recently. Unfortunately he doesn’t relay the information properly so… well, this morning I had to explain why this kid told someone Jonah only has “half a brain because he is still growing”. Ya, it’s funny until you realize that everything out of this kid’s mouth is either a lie or an effort to make himself look good. Or both.

ABOUT JESSICA

There is the drama queen that is way TOO old to be screeching when someone accidentally bumps her. And the constant vying for attention. Is she capable of going through her day without making a scene many times just so everyone will look at her? Ugh, it gets old.

ABOUT LINA

And of course we have Miss No Self Control that might do better if we had a playpen in the livingroom to contain her. She is like a 12 month old who sees and touches without thought. Only thing is a neurotypical 12 month old can learn from a swat on the hand. Not so with this child.

There are many other posts that speak about the kids’ issues and if you are interested you can use the search box in the right sidebar.  Here’s one to get you started:

5 Years Down the Road with Attachment Disorder

I don’t WANT to believe that Katie coached the kids into making these allegations against me. I would rather believe that the kids made these things up without her intentionally coaching them. I do believe, based on Katie’s actions, that the kids DID make these things up and that Katie truly believes them. I have a hard time understanding WHY she would be so quick to believe these children that have a pattern of lying and making up stories, but for some reason she has. This has been a very emotional time for Katie and I think a lot of what has been said and done by her has been based solely on emotional responses.

This is the way I see things…

Katie gets pregnant in March of 2009. Katie’s meds get reformulated in April of 2009. Many people start having hypothyroid symptoms because of this change. I believed Katie was experiencing hormonal issues because of these things. I get kicked out of the house. Friend tries to help, but causes Katie to become paranoid about me because of misinformation that was told to her. Katie becomes paranoid. Katie talks bad about me to the kids. Kids become paranoid. John does something to one of the kids and gets kicked out of the house and Katie tells the kids they will never see him again. Katie assumes that whatever John did he must have learned from me. Katie also tells the kids that they will never see me again. DFS gets involved. The kids must be terrified that they just lost their father and their brother and may be wondering who is next on the list to get kicked out. One or two kids make allegations against me.  Some allegations are proven to be fictitious – Katie refuses to believe the facts.

The Sheriff’s Department did an investigation and found some allegations to be completely made up. I pray it was the kids that made them up and not Katie.  DFS is getting ready to close (finish) the investigation on me and currently has an open investigation on Katie.

Katie is safe. I have never been a danger to her or the kids. It is not me you need to worry about harming her – it is the backwoods folk / meth addicts that know about the pregnant lady living alone with 11 kids.   The ones that will use and abuse her because they can.   I have never been a violent person and I don’t plan to start being violent now.  I do not carry a gun with me.  All of the guns are with Katie.  I understand you guys being concerned for their safety – I am too – very concerned.

One of the reasons I am blogging here is so Katie does not lose her ads. There has to be a post every 14 days or they will pull the ads. If the ads get pulled, the income from the blog goes away.

I have complete faith in God that He will heal this marriage and the relationships with my children.   It may not be in the short time I desire – but it will happen. What will happen between now and the time our family is restored, who knows…   Katie may divorce me for a time.  I don’t think Katie realizes that even if we get a divorce we will still have to deal with each other on a regular basis and things may not end up going her way in court.

God brought Katie and me together 15 years ago for a reason. He allowed us to adopt 7 children and have 6 biological ones for a reason.  I have a really hard time believing his reason for bringing us together was so we could end up divorced and damaging our kids’ and our own lives.

My Fabulous Husband Jeffrey

13 Years

All Jodi. All the time – Part III

Please continue to keep our entire family in your prayers.  Katie and the kids are not the only ones with broken hearts right now. This has been really hard on all of us.

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Please excuse the quality of the photos.  My cell phone does not take the best pictures, especially in low light conditions.

Today I had to drive to Jefferson City for part of a job interview.  It was a nice drive, but it took 3 hours to get there, 4 hours at the interview and then another 3 hours to get home.  It was a long day!  When I got home, my friends were out in the forest cutting wood and I decided to join them.

We only had about an hour of daylight left by the time I got home.   The chainsaw was giving us fits but we did manage to get the bed of the truck mostly full.

Tomorrow we will unload the truck and start cutting more wood.  Hopefully it is not raining.

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Someday I’ll be back but I don’t know when.  In the mean time enjoy the archives. :)  And you can always reach me at my private email at katiebettendorf@yahoo.com.

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We had a 5-minute wedding ceremony at some hole-in-the-wall wedding chapel in a bad neighborhood in Phoenix, then we went to the Justice of the Peace and did some paperwork.  We were now officially married! :)  Since I was now married, I had to move out of the dorm, so I moved in with Katie and her parents for a month or so until it was time for us to move to Turkey.

We were in Turkey for two years.  Jenna was born while we were there.  We both enjoyed living in Turkey and were sad to leave.

Next stop was northern California.  That is where we started doing foster care.  Katie and I were only 22 and 23 years old and the agency thought it would be great if we took teenage girls on probation.  It was fun and very challenging.  In 1999, I refused to take the Anthrax vaccine and got kicked out of the Air Force.

We decided to move back to Arizona and try the homesteading thing in Seligman.  We bought 40 acres and a trailer.  It was a good idea, but it didn’t work out the way we were expecting.  We moved back to the Phoenix area.  The next seven years kept us really busy.  I had several different jobs and a business of my own.  Katie worked and had a childcare business.  Katie and I had three more kids.  We did foster care and we adopted seven kids and Jillian was diagnosed with cancer.

After Jill was declared cancer free, we decided to take the opportunity to move to Missouri, something we had talked about doing for years.  We lived in a rental house in Ozark for a year while we were looking for the place we wanted to settle down.  Jodi was born while we were in Ozark.

In August 2008, after selling the land we were going to build a house on, we found a little house on 28 acres in Mansfield.  The house was small, but the property was very nice.  We knew we could always add on to the house later and that is still the plan.  We really like our property.  The kids enjoy it too – There is plenty of room for them to run and play.  We have a mixture of pasture and woods, three ponds and a barn.  We have two milk cows, a cow with a heifer, a couple of pigs, three steers, two llamas, around a hundred chickens, a bunch of ducks, a sheep, a horse, two dogs and four cats. Life is fun on our new farm.  There is always something new to learn.

Like a lot of marriages, Katie and I have had our share of good times and bad.  I have taken it upon myself to make sure we have more good times and less bad ones in the future.  I want the next 15 years to be fabulous!  I can not settle for mediocrity any longer.  From this day forward, our marriage will be different.  I will be the husband that God called me to be.  I will have a servant’s heart.  I will treat my wife with sacrificial love.  I will stop making excuses for my behavior. I will do the right thing because it is right to do.  We have 12 – almost 13 children who need a godly father in their lives.  I am ready to be a godly father to our children and raise them to glorify God.

Katie,  I want to renew our vows and have a “real” wedding with a real wedding party and guests and a cake and everything… maybe even a honeymoon this time! :)  I am ready to make a new commitment to you before God and the church.  I am ready to be the husband and father that God has called me to be.

Katie, will you marry me again?

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I needed cream so I dumped it off of the 4 gallons and I had approximately 3 qts of cream.  It was very yummy.  Of course, I can’t eat any cream because I’ve begun the GAPS diet.

This is what our freezer looked like after 201 lbs of Jefferson came home from the butcher.  The top shelf is fruits and veggies, the next shelf down is beef and the rest is pork!!!  It’s mighty yummy too.

I have more pictures.  I’ll be back tomorrow.

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My twins, Joshua and Josiah with Angela and Amber.

They shared a very twinnish dance.

Two cuties.

Excuse me while I digress for a moment.  This is Jillian.  Over two years ago she was diagnosed with cancer.  3 months later she was declared cancer free.

Jill looked absolutely angelic at the dance.  This lucky young fellow shared a few moments with Jillie before their dance.

Jill regaled him with stories of farm life.

And then they danced.  Here they are do-si-doing.

Here they are, going under the bridge.  See her tiny hands?

My goodness, what would I do without her?

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All in a row.

Reeling.

It’s Angela, no Amber, no Angela.  I’m kidding.  Amber was wearing red so this is clearly Angela.

Little boys that have to sit with their mother.

Under the bridge.

Our version of the Grand March.

Ladies dressed for the occasion.

My built in babysitter.  (I have to say here that Jen is amazing!!)

Little ones that are free to be little even with big ones doing their dancing thing.

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This post is a part of Real Food Wednesdays hosted by Ann Marie this week.  Go check out others that are doing the Real Food thing this week.

This is Jefferson shortly after he arrived at our place.  He was a wee little thing.

This is Jefferson yesterday as he considers climbing into our trap stock trailer to go meet his end.  I’ll spare you the details proceeding this pictures but if you’d like some idea of how it all went down and why it took over 5 hours to catch the pig you can see the previous enactment here. So Jefferson went to that big pig pen in the sky and we are rejoicing that he won’t be in our backyard anymore.

Instead, he’ll taste fine in tacos.

And covered in gravy.

Now for the cost breakdown.

Cost to butcher: $.43/lb plus $20 kill fee.

Jefferson weighed 305 (!!!!) lbs!!

Total cost to butcher: $151.15 $112.18  They actually charge on the hanging weight and not the live weight.

We also fed the animal for 8 months.

We fed 1 gallon/day of a grain mixture called 50/50 plus all of our kitchen scraps.

The bag of 50/50 is about 6 gallons and costs $6.  Thank heavens for easy math!!

So each gallon costs $1 and we fed him for 240 days.  Lord, it seemed much longer than that!!

Feed costs were approximately $240 over the course of 8 months.

$240 + $151.15 $112.18 = $352.18 total cost.

The hang weight is typically 70% of the live weight which would yield us 213.5lbs.

We will net 213.5 214lbs of meat (not counting the fat we requested as well) for $391.15 $352.18 which leaves us with a total per pound cost of $1.83 $1.65.

Pretty good even though he was a pain in the rear.  We may do this again.

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Amber and Joshua in all their twinny goodness.

May I have this dance?

Paper plate fans.

Swing your partner.

Left hand swing.

Waiting your turn.

Big and little friends.  

Old friends.

Cute couples.

Hey, how’d my son get so tall?

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